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My significant other was a sociopath. The lessons I learned from that experience made me want to help people hurt by sociopaths.


Do You Know Someone Who Is A Sociopath?

One of your friends, family members, or work colleagues could be a sociopath, and you might not even be aware of it. That's because sociopaths can be very charming, which makes them hard to spot. Even the smartest among us can be duped by a one of these individuals.

Furthermore, sociopaths come from all walks of life. They are not always victims of childhood abuse or neglect. They could just as easily have been raised in a loving, middle class household.

So, how can an ordinary person recognize a sociopath? If you happen to know one of these people, then how can you avoid becoming a victim of their abuse?


How to Spot a Sociopath

Although it can be hard to spot a sociopath, there are some common traits that they share. First of all, this person may seem very charming and sweet when you first meet them. They may also be unusually intelligent and can be interesting to talk to. Unfortunately, this charm is only surface deep. Underneath is something far less pleasant. They are excellent at controlling other people in order to achieve their own goals. They do not see their victims as individuals with rights of their own. Instead, they see others as tools to be used in order to get what they want.

A sociopath is usually arrogant and narcissistic in the extreme. They see themselves as being perfect and feel that they know it all. This person believes that he or she is entitled to do anything they want, and have whatever they desire. They think that they are superior to everybody else. They have an unrealistic view of themselves.

A sociopath will have no problem lying to another person with confidence and ease. They will show no physical sign of discomfort while telling a lie. What's more, this person is capable of creating a complex web of deceit. They can convince themselves that their falsehoods are truths, so that they actually believe their own lies. Hence this individual might pass a lie detector test, even though what they are saying could not be further from the truth.

A sociopath can do hideously cruel and immoral things to other people without feeling any guilt. To this person, other people are not human beings with feelings and rights of their own. What's more, they do not have real friends. Instead people are either co-conspirators, casualties, or both. This individual will see you not as a person, but as a prospect to help them achieve their ultimate objective. Nobody and nothing can obstruct their will.

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Victimized By a Sociopath?

Sociopaths may appear to be able to experience the full range of emotions, but in fact they feel next to nothing. An event that would distress an ordinary person will have no impact on this person. Yet a sociopath can act out the normal range of emotions. They can easily pretend to feel what they do not, and they are very convincing.

An ordinary person spends time reflecting on the relationships they have with other people. Because sociopaths cannot feel ordinary emotions, there is nothing for them to reflect on. That is why they easily feel bored. As a result of this, they will create dramas just to make life a little more interesting. They may gamble, commit crimes just for the thrill of getting away with it, or be sexually promiscuous simply to fill their time. Some are also involved in acts of sexual deviance.

The victim of a sociopath may feel physical and/or emotional pain as a result of what has been done to them. The perpetrator cannot identify with the misery they are causing for the other person. Instead they are derisive of the pain of their victims, and they may use the upset they cause to their own advantage.

Sociopaths use a very clever method to manipulate their victims. For the most part, they are abusive towards their victims. Yet this abuse is alternated with short periods of ostensible love and appreciation. This cycle can be addictive for the victim. Consequently they continue to come back for more. This cycle of "love" and abuse can have a devastating impact on the victim's self-esteem.

The sociopath does not accept the blame for any of the harm and hurt they cause other people. In fact this person is convinced that the blame for what happened belongs with someone other than themselves, even when this clearly is not the case. They don't care that they damage and destroy other people's lives. Their only concerns are winning the game and getting what they want.

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Sociopaths usually lack any kind of work ethic. They may move quickly from one job to another, or simply avoid working at all. This individual has a parasitic nature. He or she will use and manipulate others to get the money they need to survive. For instance, they may ask to borrow some cash and not bother paying it back later. They are also likely to break the law in order to obtain money. Yet they are adept at avoiding detection, so they very rarely have to pay for the crimes they commit.

There is no way of treating a sociopath with psychotherapy or counseling. This person does not acknowledge that he or she has a problem. Because of this, they will neither want nor seek any type of treatment. They do not suffer because of their condition. All of the suffering is inflicted on other people.

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If you suspect that someone in your life is a sociopath, then you should avoid confronting or accusing them. If you tell the person that you think they are a sociopath, they are likely to laugh in your face and scorn your attempt at comprehending them. That is why confronting this type of person is a waste of time.

It is also a mistake to forgive a sociopath for the wrongs that they have done to you. They are well aware that it is human nature to want to forgive others. They will exploit this need to forgive, and use it to continue the cycle of abuse. To forgive this type of individual is to invite them to hurt you again.

The best way of handling a sociopath is to get them out of your life for good. Do not forgive them for the wrongs they have done to you. Avoid finding a reason to tolerate their company again. This is easier said than done when this person is a family member, or long-time friend. You may even miss them to some extent, even though they have hurt you. Yet if you know someone like this, the only way of protecting yourself is to avoid them completely, even if it hurts.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2011 sociopath-free

Do you know a sociopath?

Dippy on May 19, 2017:

I find it hard when reading the comments with regards to forgiving a sociopath. These type of people have clocked you, homed in on you and devalued/discarded you! Yes you let it happen and was misguided by your own good nature and morals. Whilst with a sociopath they have a very good way of making you question yourself. I let my sociopath relationship do that on many occasions. That particular person trait gets pleasure seeing your self esteem leave you to a level of feeling worthless. The only person you should forgive is yourself for allowing this monster play you like some ride at a playground. I went 6 years with one and can tell you six years of big downs and very few ups and living hell when looking back. Why? Because empathic People think there is a reason for the strange behaviour and want to try and help/understand and heal to some degree. You cut yourself away from those close to you who don't have the blinkers you wear because a sociopath at the early stage of the romance as conditioned you to seeing them as a nice, caring, charming character that they are and when the bad times come you always seek the beginning the individual wearing the good mask therefore argue your own thoughts and mind. They brain wash you. My past partner/? Because it is ? Due to the fact there is no real anything with them. Everything they do as a interior motive and purpose for them. He described himself as fleeting and I describe it ultra ego that gets excitement from control and being selfish. Everything they do as some form of selfish act behind it. He caused a lot of pain within my family unit and will never forget nor forgive the masked individual he departed with.

SPRING on March 24, 2016:

damn. I guess I have to learn something the hard way most the time because that way the pain keeps me from ever fully forgetting and so I won't be stupid to repeat mistakes that hurt the most. I had managed to go through 36 years of my life without being seriously hurt or injured by being close to a sociopath. I didn't know about sociopaths until I had to start Google searching certain behaviors of a former friend. Other than that I had a truly narcissistic youth pastor who eventually was fired and a handful of managers in retrospect which explains a lot. I fricken despise these people. Now I will see them coming I hope. Thank God for gut instincts but even despite them I put up with Natalie for almost 3 years trying to keep giving the benefit of the doubt until I found the truth

AmyLOrr on April 07, 2014:

I know I have known sociopaths. Getting away from them is a positive step but its so difficult living with the memory that you did not confront them! Thanks for a great lens :)

Rose Jones on March 31, 2014:

Interesting - and a contribution to our knowledge. Pinned to my mental health and mental illnesses board.

Melanie Paige from Adelaide, South Australia on March 05, 2014:

I don't believe I've met a sociopath, but if what you say is true and that they are very convincing, then I very well might have without realising it. I'll definitely keep this advice tucked safely away in my mind.

Thank you so much for sharing this interesting lens. I hope it helps people :)

Shinichi Mine from Tokyo, Japan on February 27, 2014:

Unfortunately my ex was one of those people. Fortunately that's in the past.

anonymous on February 27, 2014:

This is really good! Hopefully I won't have to deal with a sociopath in the near future but articles like this help others. Thank you for sharing.

chuck7523 on February 23, 2014:

do i ever know one... not even two years ago, she stole my car to move three states away, she stopped all contact with me till about 6 months ago.. we talked it out, and she wanted to move back, which i reluctantly agreed to. not even two weeks have passed and she wanted to move to her aunts which is 4 hrs away, so again i obliged.. i gave her a ride to her aunts to find out that she had told them i'm an alcoholic who drinks every day till i pass out and i had kicked her out, all lies!! and just yesterday, she texts me 1001 times, none of which i responded to, telling me that she is just scared and she is just nervous i "would" have kicked her out eventually and made every attempt to make her actions somehow my fault.. I've known her for years, and she has done nothing but take advantage of my kindness, and abuse me at every turn, as long as it benefited her.. all along never taking any responsibility whatsoever for anything.. i am not man enough to deal with her any more, yet somehow i feel it's my "duty" to help her again( more like, continue being a doormat).. I'm at a total lose, but i do agree with protecting yourself at all costs, so i imagine seeing as how she made a conscious decision to do what she did, it is in no way, shape or form my fault.. good riddance to bad trash!!!

confused2013 on February 13, 2014:

Yes my husband and we have two kids. What do I do? I have no other support.

tonyleather on February 11, 2014:

Not if I knew about it!

sociopath-free (author) on February 10, 2014:

@TanoCalvenoa: Sorry :(

TanoCalvenoa on February 08, 2014:

I know three.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@anonymous: Sounds like a classic. Blessings and healing to you.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@anitabreeze: Most of us one into one or two in our lives.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@pillarcandles: Amen sister.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@anonymous: It usually ends when the woman isn't willing to put up with the BS anymore. Healing and blessings to you!

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@anonymous: You don't have to be scarred forever -

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@francescajohnston: Some have brain damage, many just born that way. Thanks for commenting.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@Technus: Not sure seeing his daughter is a good idea, but you have to do what you feel is best. Blessings -

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@denise-patton-90: Thank you for commenting. Yes, the comments are heart wrenching.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@CrossCreations: Unfortunately very true, and excellent book.

sociopath-free (author) on February 08, 2014:

@anonymous: I can feel the pain in your words. So sorry you had to go through that, but focus on your own healing now

Carolan Ross from St. Louis, MO on February 08, 2014:

Unfortunately I do have experience with one of these monsters. A sad situation, especially because very few in our society understand it. Read "The Sociopath Nextdoor" for more.

denise-patton-90 on February 08, 2014:

Thanks for such an informative post which I will gladly share. Some of the stories told by your followers are horrendous ... I hope thay all ind future peace, love and happiness xxx

Technus on November 10, 2013:

Try having a sociopath as the father of your children. He really duped me in the beginning and was charming and sweet. He wanted to have kids right away, but I wasn't ready and wanted to go to college. He tricked me into getting pregnant, but as soon as I did get pregnant, he started treating me like crap and was cheating on me. He then kicked me out of the house for no reason and blocked his number so I couldn't reach him.. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. He doesn't care about his child at all, never calls or writes or stops by, then tries to blame me for it. ARG! It frustrates me to no end because I really want our daughter to have her father in her life.. but maybe it's for the best. On top of that he actually thinks he's a good father! Ha! For what? Trying constantly to weasel out of child support and not seeing his child but for a few times in her 10 years? I have to constantly remind him of how crappy of a father he is. But he doesn't get it. He also has had people fooled, like his ex wife. He constantly told her bad things about me, like I was crazy and didn't want him to see our daughter, but when she met me in person and saw that I was a good person and how much I wanted him to see our daughter, she quickly realized that he had been lying to her the whole time. They quickly divorced after that because she caught him cheating on her with several women.. and they had 2 kids together... which he barely pays attention to as well.

anonymous on June 23, 2013:

I call him the devil.I just came out of a 10 year relationship when i met him.He said he had searched the world for me and that i was his soul mate.He built me up and turned on me just as quickly.I couldn't understand ??he caused arguments out in public and turned things on me saying i was a nutcase, i was starting to believe him He said he had a troubled childhood and bad things had happened to him.He had a fixation on my dog? said, he could not have a relationship with me because he hated her? shes a little dog jack russell/toy poodle. she was terrified of him and then i found out why.He was hurting her.I got away from him.He said he was going to destroy me :-( Why? then he attacked me and got away with it.Police where involved and he has now gone .It left me with ptsd , i have lost all my so called friends and shut myself away.I feel like i have been soul raped and its hard to get back up but i am slowly X

anonymous on May 24, 2013:

@anonymous: Listen to your gut feeling... something is really wrong! Be very careful. Try to limit your contact with this person.

anonymous on May 24, 2013:

@anonymous: do NOT go back!

francescajohnston on April 19, 2013:

I learned that sociopaths literally have brain damage.

Neglect or abuse as a child results in non-formation of the frontal lobe.

A sociopath literally has no way to understand empathy or emotion because he/she has no section of brain to process these things.

I don't think in general that they are able to be rehabilitated.

VERY GOOD info in the Lens!!

Thank you so much!

Blessings <3

anonymous on April 09, 2013:

I was married to a sociopath. It is mind boggling the damage they can do to another human being and feel not one bit of remorse. I will be forever scarred.

anonymous on April 07, 2013:

I fell in love with the nicest guy........until I married him. For 26 years I put up with the lies and horrific mind games until I finally had the strength and guts to leave. He was such a different person in public and still is. So charming and pleasant yet a real evil person when behind closed doors. I was always the blame for all his mistakes. A life of absolute hell. It is so true that the person I married never really existed. Finding this website has been an absolute god sent for me!!

anonymous on March 28, 2013:

@anonymous: Dear "InYourShoes"- thanks for the reply and I'm sorry we've both been in the same boat. I will say that I have turned a corner and am on the way to wholeness again. What he stole of my soul (which is their goal: they are soul-sucking PARASITES)I am claiming back - thru visualization, prayer etc. I read a phenomenon book ("Puzzling People: The Labyrinth of the psychopath", and it gave me tools to use. I also learned that psychopaths use their victims as tools-- I was a hammer to him that he needed for a while, but he also put the hammer down when needing a wrench, screwdriver,etc. He probably thinks one day he will need that "hammer" again-- but THIS hammer will be gone. He is "dead to me" now. I won't hate or love. That gives him energy. I will move on, as a better and stronger woman, now. He is pitifully pathetic. An "it"- not a real human. And I don't care about him anymore. Thank GOD! I hope you can get there too (if not already).

johnny-knox on March 21, 2013:

Really good info here, I never knew sociopaths were against society, learned something new... Just like the common cold, no remmedy. Thanks for for sharing your expertise!

pillarcandles on March 21, 2013:

I know a couple and the best advice is run away like hell is after you.

anitabreeze on March 15, 2013:

I certainly do know a sociapath or two!. Another good book is called Mask of Insanity.

anonymous on March 14, 2013:

@anonymous: Dear "In-Healing" I hope you are doing better and that things have gotten clearer for you. You really took the first REAL step by confessing to your spouse. I totally understand your situation - I could have written your post! Yes, self sabbotage- the NEED to know you are "right" but damn, if you just can't help wanting to be wrong and truly wishing he cared one iota for you... because feeling stupid that you walked into it willingly and could possibly go back sucks! lol

anonymous on March 03, 2013:

My ex boyfriend is a classic sociopath. He was verbally abusive and never had no remorse. He would always tell me "It's my way or the highway." He was so controlling and wanted to keep me away from my family. He would say horrible things about my son and my family. I was with him for nearly 7 years and I always thought that I could change him and that he would somehow get better. I don't know why I put up with it so long. If I confided in him something about me he would always use that against me somehow. He would sext other women and then say it was my fault. I always found out. My son is now scarred because of his behavior. I talked to his family about his behavior and they would make excuses for him as to why he was behaving this way. Apparently his own mother wanted to warn me when I first met the family but decided against it for whatever reason. When we broke up he was online scoping out his new vicim and within a week he found one and was talking to her. I let him stay in my basement until he found somewhere to live and I could hear everything he said while talking to his new girlfriend. He was telling he all the lies he told me and more.

anonymous on February 18, 2013:

All of what I have read talks about men who are sociopaths. I was married to a woman who during our divorce was diagnosed as a sociopath by a psychiatrist appointed by the court during the custody hearing. I always thought it was just me she treated as an object until it was revealed in the doctor's report on how she thought of our children. From my experience you have to get away from a sociopath as quickly as possible. Their abusive nature knows no relent. They will never change because they see nothing wrong with abusing anyone to reach their goal.

anonymous on February 18, 2013:

@anonymous: Believe me. You know plenty.

anonymous on February 13, 2013:

I believe my husband's ex is a sociopath, I only recently discovered the traits and it fits her personality perfectly. We could never understand how a mother could use her child as a weapon to make someone miserable. When the child was younger she would keep him from my husband, making up elaborate stories to tell counsellors why he shouldn't have visitation, saying the child has illnesses he didn't have, always claiming to be an over protective mom, when visits did occur she constantly called making the child feel bad for being there and then showing up at the door. Holidays and birthdays were always a nightmare, the list could go on and on. Courts were no help because she would never follow the orders. After she divorced her husband, by the way she took him to the cleaners in the divorce as well, she dropped the mother act and wanted to be single and partying. By the time the child was 14 he was so troubled she didn't want to deal with him anymore, so she gave him to us. This child who had been brainwashed into thinking our house was full of evil people never wanted to live with us. She moved out of the province with her boyfriend not even seeing the child before she left. But she returned a year and a half later when the relationship ended picking up the mother role again to get the child support. While the child lived with us my husband hooked a high paying job. So now there is a different constant battle she fights with the child, he moves out she still collects the outrageous child support amount and the cycle continues. Courts always believe her lies, she always acts as the poor pitiful single mother, when in reality she uses the money for plastic surgery and the best clothes and the child benefits nothing from it. Sadly the child who is now 17 acts very much like her, actually hates my husband. It has been very difficult watching my husband struggle with this, every attempt of having a relationship with the child has been ruined. It seems hopeless and endless every day there is a new dramatic story happening with them.

anonymous on February 13, 2013:

I ended a relationship with a sociopath about 4 months ago. Unfortunately it was an affair. Very convoluted. Not proud of it. Regardless, got very hurt. I ended it with NO contact. Had tried before but he knew how to play on my SYMPATHIES. So this time he tried to get me to "wait and break up after the holidays". I said fine. But then I confessed all to my spouse - my ONLY way put of the snake pit) and spouse texted the snake to never contact me again. Sociopath has tried a few times with fake phone numbers etc but I am on guard. I know the best revenge is for me to not care and be indifferent, with Zero contact, etc. doing that so far. HOWEVER-- I feel like I am going crazy. I will NOT give the snake that satisfaction. But I am ANGRY bc he is "getting off scott free"- his wife has no clue (20 years)- and he does this to other innocent women (his prey). I am finding myself obsessing with wanting to make him pay, or asking women I suspected he was also "with" if they were-- all so I can prove I was right about my instincts all along I suppose. I know this is self sabotage, however, especially as I try to reconcile my marriage. I pray constantly for these obsessive thoughts to go away. I need help.

anonymous on February 10, 2013:

I have been living with my partner for four years but started to realise there was no empathy in her for anyone. She only thought of herself. Now even her own family are not talking to her but she blames me for 'making her look bad' when in fact I am just doing what a parent does for them. It wasn't until I saw the sociopath test that made me realise she fit the bill exactly! I couldn't believe that she had ALL the traits. It explained so much. I have been mentally abused for so long yet always managed to feel sorry for her. Apart from her arrogance, the outside world only sees what she projects. She thinks rules don't apply to her and she feels she is above the law. I have been totally controlled and conditioned by her that I have lost my own identity and almost my own family too. I have finally left and she is full of apology and wants me back saying she has turned a corner. Will she change? Does she want me back for control or love? Or is it that she knows I may be the only man tolerant enough to have her? My head is telling me to stay away but my heart wants to give her a chance but know I've done this so many times before. She doesn't even genuinely love her own children but is clever at making the right noises just for good feedback. There seems to be nothing deeper than that. Am I foolish to go back?

anonymous on February 06, 2013:

I recently moved out from living with someone who I have continued the relationship with until this afternoon when I realised that despite my best efforts I just can't handle his infidelity, lies and emotional abuse. I was reading an artcle about why people cheat and there was a short paragraph on sociopaths and oh dear god does he fit the bill. No remorse, no reason to change, lies, lies, lies, everything always my fault and charming, intelligent and law breaking. I get frustrated that the charm means thatpeople think sun shines out of his you know where and they think im lying about him treating me badly. I have a horrible feeling that he may have hurt people in his care and I'm extremely frightened because in five weeks time I'm having his baby and don't feel I can tell the people around me I'm not with him. I don't want my mother her e as she is also emotionally abusive (and charming and lies..)

anonymous on January 19, 2013:

@sociopath-free: A hell no one deserves in their lives. I was married to one for many years. Made my life a living hell - he lied, stole from anyone who would believe him - did not matter if they were family or not - had a superiority complex - everyone was beneath him - bragged about his heritage and well to do family to anyone who would listen - stole money from anyone he could con - told outrageous stories about me so he could justify some of the God awful things he did - embarrassed his children - made his son think he was beneath him and that he would never amount to anything - engraciated himself to anyone he thought was of importance - talked vey negatively about people who were once friends - created the tension throughout my family by saying negative things about me - his children were embarrassed and ashamd of this man - he had no morals and considered himself above others in all areas of life - could never maintain employment for any length of time because he created problems in the workplace - his mother thought he could do no wrong until he went to live with her as an adult - she was in for a rude awakening - she should have seen this problem earlier in his life before he became an adult. Just to think about the awful things he did makes me feel sick in my stomach. Thank God my children and I are free from the person.

anonymous on January 16, 2013:

@anonymous: Get out of the situation ASAP. For years I dealt with my brother who dragged me down and took money

ArtzeeChris LM on January 11, 2013:

Very interesting read. My first thought of a psychopath is like a serial killer, I guess this is the most extreme cases. I'm not that familiar with the psychological profile of a sociopath but I see how they can wreak havoc on innocent victims in their way. They remind me of the dementors from the Harry Potter books who suck the life out of you. I'm glad I've been lucky enough not to have been involved with anyone like that.

anonymous on January 03, 2013:

My sister married one last year. So far he has has gone through $50,000.00 of her savings - in one year. She works. He doesn't. Yet, he can find fault with nearly everything she does and treats her as if he is the one paying the rent. Sickening. Really.

anonymous on January 03, 2013:

I have just got out of a 2yr relationship with a Narcissistic Sociopath. I knew something was off with him when I wasn't there for him at his beck and call.. he would do something to hurt me a little at first, as in I'll show her. Then all the lies, and grand stories. John does drink a lot and often. In the beginning he would be funny and contained himself but, shortly after it got ugly it would be a constant battle at times, he would just go off in a rage if I said you drink to much, all the other women I caught him texting and talking with. He would blame that on me of coarse, I was the crazy one. He wanted to marry me so bad. I am separated and have been for yrs happily. He used that against me for his behavior, I said I will not go and add more stress to my life when you are behaving this way. When you can show me you are going to stop texting other women, lie and drink so much I would Marry u. Well then the verbal abuse started, called every name in the book, hated my status, my family and my son and of coarse they ended up not liking him on what he was doing to me. He thinks he is the smartest, kindest, honest, can do anything kind of guy. Then the physical came, and threats of other women. sent me photos of him with another women. unbelievable!! He didn't like that i stood up to him and would start to ignore the verbal. I know he lies to his family about what he put me through and why I started to hide form people and be angry. He even after the first physical encounter I left my phone came back to get it, saw his mom there so i thought it was safe and she started yelling at me, I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I was putting up with and at times very angry. I know I had a right to be finally, that it was not my fault as he said I lost the best thing ever, Sorry John You Lost the best woman ever me, good luck with your new victim you had to throw in my face because you were abusing me again and I wasn't coming to take you to the annual Xmas party, so he met someone there and text me a photo of the 2 of them. nice guy!

anonymous on January 01, 2013:

I don't know a sociopath, but hopefully if and when I do come across one I'll be prepared.

anonymous on December 27, 2012:

@sociopath-free: There is evidence to suggest that traits of sociopathy are caused by some kind of damage to the pre-frontal cortex and amygdala. Two of my exes have these traits and, according to their parents, they were both asphyxiated during childbirth.

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@anonymous: I think you pretty much answered your own question.

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@Gail47: You're lucky! Thank you for commenting.

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@anonymous: Yes, they often show signs when young children. It's unfortunate but you have to recognize it for what it is. Thank you for commenting!

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@anonymous: Yes, they have a way of making you wonder if you're crazy. Makes you doubt yourself, but it's just a tactic they use.

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@Loganor: This is true. Some people seem to have crazy-bad relationships over and over. Thanks for commenting!

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@anonymous: Most are just born that way.

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@anonymous: Yes, I'm always glad to hear someone got out of this type of relationship. Hopefully people will read this and learn what to avoid. Thanks for commenting.

sociopath-free (author) on December 23, 2012:

@anonymous: Lock yourself in a room and read all the resources I list here. You need to detox from your relationship.

anonymous on December 16, 2012:

Yes my ex-boyfriend is a psychopath. I guess some people will say, some just say their exes are psychos because they are bitter. That is not always the case. It is real, it can happen to anyone. I have been through a lot in life that I was able to handle but this experience brought me literally on my knees. He was a textbook psychopath. He was a pathological liar but oh boy. They lie but they will look at you in the eye without any sign of nervousness. That makes them so dangerous cause you will be deceived. Who can lie about his education, job, race, almost everything and do not feel guilty and remorseful? That is a psychopath. He was abusive and manipulative. Who In the right frame of mind thinks that when you confront him, he says it is his life and he can do anything without even thinking of the people that he hurts. That kind of experience will tear you apart and will question your own sanity. They are narcissists and they do not care about you. They only care about what they can get from you. They are not remorseful and just do not care so they cheat and cheat with as many as they want. It was scary and dark and you are in a limbo. It made me weak but as time goes by it has brought the best in me. It made me a stronger person but I would never want anybody to experience the same thing.

anonymous on December 15, 2012:

I never knew psychopathy existed until I was one of the women targeted by my ex-boyfriend. I agree with one of the statements, those who have been wounded know very well that they are evil. My ex-bf was a textbook psychopath, pathological liar, abusive, manipulative, had no empathy, only concerned of what he could get from you, had a double life. Being in that kind of situation I understand why some take a while to get out because You Will Question your own sanity. You will tell yourself maybe you Are the one with a problem cause they will make you feel and think that way. I have been affected by my experience badly but when I got out of the situation, day by day I felt better. I am still recovering but now I am more empowered and the best thing to do is to keep those kinds of people out in our lives or if it is not possible for some to keep them from a distance

anonymous on December 13, 2012:

All socios do NOT have a dysfunctional upbringing. I personally know.

Loganor on December 12, 2012:

Some people seem to attract them like magnets. I have a dear friend who was raised by one (her mother) which left her with terrible mental and emotional damage - much of it because no one outside of the family could see that b*tch for what she was - charming, indeed. Like many abused children, she grew up and married another sociopath. Thankfully she got out of that relationship, and the next sociopath she dated (of course she did) she spotted early and ran! I'm glad she learned how to spot them, and to get away from them. Not all women are so lucky - thank you for sharing this important information on spotting sociopaths, and getting yourself out of relationships with them. You just might save a life!

anonymous on December 09, 2012:

Yes, my brother. For years, my family couldn't understand the way he led his life. Unfortunately, he is pushing 50 and has nothing to show for his life. As a boy, he showed signs of sociopath by a fascination with fire, bed wetting and cruelty to animals. He can leave people and pets without any sadness or remorse. He has times when he is manic and other times where he sleeps a lot. He schemes and breaks the law. He doesn't date and uses everyone he can. Although he prefers to be alone, when meetinf people he is remarkably charming. Right now, he's living in my spare room. He steals from all his family. He riffles through our belongs when we are gone. He makes us feel guilty and makes us feel like we owe him. He hasn't worked much throughout his life and is basically a drain on all of us. It isn't until googling this online did we have a name for his mental illness.

Gail47 on November 25, 2012:

No I don't and hope I never do. Interesting article.

anonymous on November 19, 2012:

I couldn't figure out how to reconcile the nice guy this person seemed to be, with the conflicting behaviors (such as making promises then breaking them; asking for help but not acknowledging once it's given; sleeping with everyone in our inner circle) and then charming his way out of his "transgressions" but never really accepting any responsibility. So, some sociopathic tendencies.

Here's my question: are there shades of sociopathy or is it "all or none?" i.e. Are there ever any times that they ARE truly honest or have an honest emotion? a twinge here and there? Or must all their actions be suspect and untrustworthy? What's the difference between a guy that's just really arrogant and a dick, someone who might be able to be shown the hurt they cause, and a sociopath? The frequency of their "go to" behaviors when caught? (i.e. just ignoring the elephant in the room and pretending like nothing every happened? Being all sweet and attentive?)

I know we can't feel bad for the sociopath because they, basically, "don't know what they're missing". It must be some basic (non-sociopathic) need to hear someone say they acknowledge they were wrong or "I'm sorry i hurt you"...but there is no use waiting for it because a) they couldn't understand it and b) even if they said it, it's not true.

I once said to this person "I just want back the guy i thought you were." I'm totally gutted bc if this person really is a sociopath, this person is just a big black hole of...nothing.

So all, is he? Do I even need to ask?

sociopath-free (author) on November 17, 2012:

@CristianStan: Yes, I consider them training films on what to do.

sociopath-free (author) on November 17, 2012:

@anonymous: Prayer will help you. Cutting off the sociopath will too.

anonymous on November 13, 2012:

@anonymous: Hearing all your stories helps so much. Ten weeks ago I learned the man I've been married to for 30 years (of course that includes me divorcing and remarrying him and all his disappearances) is a sociopath. Lies, lies, and more lies! I agree the hardest thing to accept is that he simply does not care about all the pain he has put me and our children through. It's heartbreaking. I also go back and forth from feeling hope for the future to crying all day at being left, AGAIN. My friends and family also don't get why I can't just be glad he is gone. But I have a psych nurse friend that said to me, "If it were that easy to turn off your feelings you would be just like him now wouldn't you?" That helped me look at my own feelings more objectively. Also, I have a strong faith in God and He helps me deal with the pain daily. I just hope I can move on quickly. Hard to change 30 years of bad choices. He always made me feel it was all my fault when he disappeared. And I do mean disappear. Ten weeks ago he left and said he would be back as usual but instead I got 4 texts saying he had been cheating and was so sorry. Said he loved me and he would call me the next day. Well it's a good thing I didn't hold my breath! I didn't know what he was until this last time. A friend suggested I read The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. It took me a week to pick my jaw up of