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How To Recognize Narcissistic Abuse

Self-published author and avid reader living in the UK. Former victim and now a researcher of narcissistic abuse.

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Malignant Self-Love

Most people who have never had the misfortune to experience narcissistic abuse first-hand fail to understand its sheer severity and covert nature, particularly the abuse perpetrated by the covert narcissist.

Covert narcissism in particular is undoubtedly and unequivocally the most damaging and undercover form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Many victims going decades without becoming consciously aware of what it is that's happening to them.

The emotional and mental abuse that a narcissist inflicts on their victim is based on the subtle power of suggestion. The power of suggestion is one of the most powerful psychological tools known to man and should never ever be underestimated.

The narcissist presents to their victim, usually their relationship partner, a false self that is built up from a collection of simple and subtle pathological lies. These are lies that make them seem angelic and 'as good as gold,' resulting in the perception that 'they would never do anything to hurt anyone'.

If a narcissist were to hear a rumor of someone they know cheating on their partner they may then make statements such as "how could they do that to him/her? That's disgusting" making out that they wholly disagree with such behavior.

This is often only to fool their partner into believing that they would never be capable of doing such a thing themselves yet in reality the lie is usually a cover to hide the fact that the narcissist is doing, or plans to do, exactly that - they seek to appease.

These subtle lies go on and on, building up over the years gradually pulling the wool over the victim's eyes, leaving them blind to the narcissist's true hidden self.

Money, friends, finances, identification, thoughts and emotions are all eventually stolen from the victim leaving them in a position with no resources to leave and no one to turn to for help, yet they do not realize it until it's too late.

The narcissist has usually already ostracized their victim and built up an army of support, should the victim question anything that has happened.

The narcissist's army will help propagate their lies to the victim whilst unknowingly being fooled by those very same lies. They report the thoughts and emotions of the victim back to their narcissistic partner who uses the information to manipulate them even further and to prevent them from finding out the truth.

Stealing a person's thoughts and emotions and attempting to replace them with false thoughts, even to cover something up, is known as mental rape. The narcissist has created their own ring of abusers, they have employed their own mental and emotional rapists by manipulating the victim's own family and friends - the victim is left isolated.

Should the victim question the narcissist's pathological lies or hidden promiscuous behaviour then they will feel the wrath of the narcissist. The true victim will suddenly be the one who is insane or paranoid, which the narcissist has already managed to get their friends and family believing long before the victim could have ever anticipated.

Although friends and family may know about some of the narcissist's one night stands or continued secret long-terms affairs, these are already justified in their minds due to the lies the narcissist has been telling them about the victim over the years.

The victim has already been ostracized and had their reputation destroyed in the background without them even realizing what was happening.

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It's too late.

Literally every little thing that happens gets twisted back round onto the victim and they are left scratching their head with wonder thinking "is it me?" and never quite realizing how the narcissist manipulated them into that situation.

Not only will the narcissist convince their victim they are insane, they will go the full length and tell them to go the doctor and have medication (that the victim doesn't really need) prescribed. Narcissists are extremely dangerous, they would rather allow their partner to get beaten up for making accusations or even let their partner die rather than reveal their true hidden self.

It took them all their life to build up their 'good as gold' reputation as a cover for the evil emotional and mental rapist that lies beneath and nobody is ever going to wear them down - some narcissists will commit murder if it means protecting their secrets.

Narcissistic abuse feels cruel, cold-hearted and sadistic for the victim. Narcissists do not make their victim suffer intentionally but they get a kick from knowing that they are able to manipulate their partner and get away with whatever they want.

The partner suffers in silence for many years not quite knowing if their suspicions are correct or just paranoia. The victim knows that even if they did turn to someone for help that the behavior of their narcissistic partner has been so outrageous that nobody is going to believe them anyway, until they eventually reach a point where they just can't handle the abuse any more. The victim is left feeling destitute, desolate, and isolated and they may begin to experience a state of dissociation.

In many cases the partner may discover true evidence of the narcissist's hidden behaviors (pathological lies, one-night stands, incest, secret affairs or even a double life). It hits them hard.

They come to the realization that all of their suspicions that arose over the past years (or decades in many cases) were not just suspicions but actually subconscious clues being absorbed by their intuition - their suspicions were correct all along.

They are left feeling depressed, worthless, suicidal and shell-shocked which can lead to flashbacks and nightmares. The psychological manipulation and the presence of a false self becomes apparent and the victim comes to the realization that the person they fell in love with is not real; they don't exist.

The victim is left heart-broken, suicidal and angry yet the narcissist is still the one who is being treated like the victim. The damage is done and can often feel overwhelmingly beyond repair.

Narcissistic abuse is performed covertly, insidiously and is extremely dangerous and it can, in some cases, result in death either through suicide, manslaughter or murder.

If the victim does survive then the damage done may stick with them always, whether on a conscious or subconscious level the experience has been had and may remain a contributing factor in their lives forever. They may find it difficult to ever trust another person again.

However, it's true that time is the great healer and victims of narcissistic abuse can recover, given enough time.

Unfortunately, the question that many older or longer term victims of narcissistic abuse end up asking themselves, is how much time, exactly, do they have left?

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

© 2011 Marc Hubs

Comments

Crystal coy from Radcliff Kentucky on August 18, 2018:

This is excatly what i needed to read. I've been in my currant relationship for a year, and i knew something wad off 4 months in. I honestly thougt it was me. I have alot goibg on in me. I have lupus on top of bi-polar, major depressive disorder,ptsd and i belive bpd. The more i recived help for my problems the more aware i became of his. I read alot about psyshology. I like to understabd whats wrong with myself. So i see these symptoms with him. The lies he tells, the differant faces he puts on for other people or the way he can never take responobility fir his actions or reactions. He never sees past his own problems to undestand anyone elses perspective or feelings. I'm co-dependant with very little friends or family. So i have no choice but to try and reconize his minipulstions and not let it get to me. I have to learn a way to live with it, untill i can finally get a way to leave

Renee Moreno on July 24, 2017:

I have been dealing with this and certain people for decades. They have diplomatic immunity and still. Think they are in control. Im stronger than that and the pen is mightier than the sword. Their day will come.

J Oakes on July 08, 2017:

Most accurate article I've read on what I went through the last 2 years. Absolutely word for word. Thanks so much. I knew I was right but they play their games so well don't they?? Frightening. Especially knowing mine has two ex's that tried to commit suicide. One died. Now I'm worried. But very grateful for this article. Thank you.

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on May 04, 2017:

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have now started a new support group on Facebook for former/recovering victims of this kind of abuse: N.A.R.C - Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Center.

This is a closed group, anyone on FB can see the group and it's members but only members can see posts (this may change to a private/secret group at some point). The group can be found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/820895831399840/

Cindy on February 20, 2017:

This makes me so sad. Cause my friend just went through H*ll and back. Here is a short video I hope I can post. She was brave. Thank you for this article and for the millions that suffer under the hands of this abuse https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=125759...

Cyoung4411 on February 10, 2017:

This is my life for over 20 years in a relationship. He has now pulled ne to the depths of his darkness where I feel completely out of control legally for his actions even after divorce. Who do you reccomend contacting for legal advice on a very critical situation. I can't live this way for the remaining time left in my life. I'm 44 and feel like he's already killed me.

Thank you for any suggestions. I have boxes and boxes of detailed, hard copy proof of this which is getting very frustrating. I am now mentally disabled with clinical PTSD, Dissacoiative Dissoder and ADHD. All very damaging and I'm not sure who to turn to for help.

Wow....what a great article. I've been reading books galore, attending therapy, in mental institutions, in the hospital. Am currently taking anti-psychotic medications for something this disgusting man created. Sincerely, thank you for helping me get insight to my condition as nobody has been able to pinpoint this as the fuel for my very expensive and emotionally destructed future.

Anonymous on October 29, 2016:

I am almost cathatonic. He has done all what you described. I was an independent succesful professional. Everything I willed came through. I lost my reputation, all my colleagues that knew me well and respected me turned on me for no reason. Gradually i could not get any contracts. I paid for his schooling to become also a simultaneous conference interpreter. I master 5 languages, but worked in 4 in any combination thereof, i miss my work the most. My mothrr snd my sister also turned against me with no explanation! They just look at me as if i were a pariah and all they say is "you know" The killing stab is to have my only and dear son, my buddy, my friend stop talking to me! I want to die how ould they abandon me, i can't eat and the only people i talk is the delivery. But the food gets spoiled iam dying please help me, i

Know noone will come

Ashley on February 16, 2016:

Just turned 3o yesterday, and for my 4th birthday being ruined I decided to look this up and it describes my partner exactly...this is how he's been for 7 years!!!! I have had it, reading this just made everything make sense. THANKYOU

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on February 12, 2016:

Unfortunately, in many cases the only option is indeed to cut off all contact. If you attempt to expose them, they will destroy you. The more you try, the more they'll make your life a living hell.

@RNA

I should point out that I have written about specific cases where murder and/or manslaughter have indeed happened as a result of narcissistic abuse. Brian Blackwell is one example, Yvonne Freaney is another.

Audrey Hunt from Pahrump NV on January 22, 2016:

Thanks for this insightful hub into the workings of the mind of NPD. I too been a victim of someone with this disorder. I tried everything I could think of to deal with this person with NPD. Nothing worked. I moved away.

RNA on September 02, 2015:

My older brother is a narcissist, and I slowly figured it out over several years of living with him. He exhibited many of the traits outlined in this hub; good work Sparkster. I think the end of the article got unnecessarily despairing, with the parts about suicide and manslaughter. I think people can always bounce back from narcissistic abuse and emerge stronger. It takes time and is probably best done with a good therapist and other realist, unjudgemental people who understand. So what if the narcissist has an "army?" YOU know what they are really like, and once you know this, you're immune to their abuse. Narcissists don't actually have any power - they're like a kid throwing a temper tantrum when they don't get what they want, blaming you when they're criticized. Once you're familiar with their techniques, you can see the narc as the predictable cartoon character that they are (and laugh at them internally until you're free of them).

Usually the people in the narcissist's legion don't know them too well, or have some affliction themself (gullibility, low-self esteem, poor grasp of reality, co-dependency) so just make new friends/family if they won't believe you. Also, a lot more is known about mental illness these days, so don't be afraid by the narcissists attempt to make you look "insane"... the narc saying "they're crazy, they're imagining things" is an unsophisticated portrayal of mental illness and makes them obviously the blamer.

My brother's narcissism was evident to me through his "build himself up, while putting others down" techniques... he'd create an image of himself as savvy, cool, talented, while picking scapegoats to make seem weak, ugly, ridiculous, etc. It's all sleight of hand, with no reality to it: making himself seem untouchably big by claiming he's great, while others are stupid. Narcissists, in my experience, also show inflated emotion, with no substance behind it. If someone makes you feel excited and like you're having fun, but like there's no meaning/vulnerability/human-ness behind it (it doesn't feel fulfilling, it's like a sugary treat that dissolves in your mouth) and if they are flattering you, and directing everything towards their wants while ignoring yours, you might be getting caught up in the snares of a narcissist. They also might be ashamed if they're embarrassed or make a mistake, and will then lash out at someone else to cover it up. They will also perform for a group, and appear funny, charismatic, and beloved by everyone, because they have to be in the spotlight. Do you, a mature adult, really need to be a part of this phony stage show? We are all just people; no one is the "best" or the "highest"... people that are acting like they are, are ones to watch out for.

mari on August 31, 2015:

My ex-to-be is a narcissist, and for the last few months I've been trying to gather the courage and tell him to get out of my life. I have to go to the bank for him because he doesn't have an ID and he doesn't want to get one because he doesn't want the people in this town to know about his criminal record (checking it out is apparently the only way to confirm his identity), I do all the cooking and probably 95% of all the chores, if he has to do chores he gets really angry and I can't stand it. He yells at me a lot and I've only yelled back twice, on the second time I just kind of roared and fell down to my knees because he just kept following me and yelling at me, that time he told my mom that I'm fucked up and a horrible person and then he left. For some reason he came back and he's threatened to leave me probably 10th after that. Money is always an issue, we're poor but he refuses to admit it. He has to get chips and candy almost every day, if he doesn't he's very angry at me for "spending all the money". He gets angry when I pay the bills, he ain't always eat dinner when he's angry at me and then he'll be angry about wasting food. I can't invite friends over very often, but he invited his brother to live here and told me that he's just coming here for a couple of days. My computer broke right after I came back from my 2-week camping trip, he had been using it while I was gone. He keeps spending the money that is supposed to be for buying a new hard drive. He wants to grow a lot of weed, opium poppies and magic mushrooms and then gets angry if I say that I don't want to live like that. If he hurts my feelings and I cry he just gets angry, yells at me and calls me names and threatens to leave me and then he gives me the silent treatment. Last time I told him to move out, but after 2 days of silence he started to talk about getting married. He has also said that we should have sex when ever he wants it and when I turn him down he gets angry. All I can think about nowadays is telling him to get lost, but I'm scared of the shitstorm that'll follow.

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on July 06, 2015:

What would make a person act like that? To think that a narcissistic person would work so hard to hurt the one person who loves them best is baffling. It seems, though, that there are a lot of them out there.

Audrey Hunt from Pahrump NV on July 06, 2015:

Thank you for this enlightening, educational hub on Narcissistic Abuse. What an eye-opener! Well done and will share with others.

Betsy on May 02, 2015:

I'm in the middle of ending a 5 1/2 year marriage to a man I know now has NPD. The verbal abuse started the night we returned from our honeymoon...two weeks after our wedding, and after I'd been diagnosed with uterine cancer 2 days after we married. At one point he assaulted me and spent a weekend in jail and six weeks out of the house. He's not interested in anything that benefits anyone but himself, and apparently his behavior was a large factor in the ending of his first marriage. My mom passed away in January (she lived with us, at his request) and in February he divorced me fraudulently. My attorney got the divorce decree set aside this week, now I have to fight (with my lawyer's help) for what is rightfully mine after giving up my career to care for my husband as he has a chronic physical illness. He tried to convince ME that I was the one with the mental problems; luckily he didn't succeed with me, my family or my friends. I can't wait to be free of him and those who are duped by him. I don't feel like I will ever trust another man or ever marry again.

narcmania on April 08, 2015:

Listen to your gut everyone!. I had a very off feeling about a guy who i utterly fell head over heels with. I wouldn't live with him or introduce him to my family b/c i'd catch him in lies. So many lies it was unreal-yet he was so addictive. I paid for everything! Pushed for a normal relationship-all he wanted when we got together was sex. I made excuses for him b/c he was 5 years younger late 20s. But what I've never seen in my life is a grown man throw a fit when he does not get his way! One day outside a supermarket I said something he didn't like he threw soda cans at me and the police were called. How I wish i put him in jail, they were ready b/c of the witness and I was wet. I did not know WHAT to think, he seemed harmless, jail over childish behavior? I couldn't do it! People if they show any violence RUN....3 months later he held me captive in his van for abt 30 min when i needed to get to a hospital!!! Anyway, prior I tried to give him what he wanted, but sometimes you just aren't feeling it (esp when he's not taking you on normal dates) He said if we lived together he'd see me everyday and it wouldn't seem like he was sex crazed. He finally admitted he slept with a girl who dropped by to buy drugs. He was a big pot smoker (i know a real winner, yet i was caught in the fog) I never met a single female friend, i even asked to meet one girl who was calling him about "biz" and she was genuinely a lesbian so what was the issue? After attempting to break up i did a ton of research and this is why i believe he's on the spectrum. "Most narcs have a huge problem multi-tasking human relationships. If they're preoccupied with someone else and having fun, you simply don't exist"This explains why I only met 1 or 2 friends and why he disappeared for days in the beginning which held me back;he was always welcome with my grp or he wanted to always hangout alone! Also: "your presence might wreck their fun, or their control or their agenda. Your presence means that ONE of you, you or the other will see the facade. The diff face the narc puts on for each person & they cannot wear 2 faces at once." WOW this explains so much of his ODD behavior. After breaking it off i ran into him at a local bar, i'm telling you, he was a DIFF person. Different clothes, wearing jewelry he never wore. I'd never seen him in a necklace or wearing rings....it was literally a different person. I now believe he conforms to attract which ever victim he's after. Cutting him off was almost impossible!!!!!!! I could go on and on, his whole life is hidden. Yet he snooped enough to find contact info on a family member. His smear campaign started last may and is STILL going on. Does anyone know if the smears will last forever? He is a pathological liar who is so so sick! When will he give up?? I am a professional college educated woman and he's spreading i'm a hooker-they are sadistic. I just want it to end. Why is he stuck on me? Is it because ultimately i denied him and ended it? Any advice appreciated.

CJ on March 02, 2015:

Wow you described my mom!! She took away 39 years of my life that

I wish I could have back :( She would always find a way to tare me down when I was in a good mood or blame me for something I had nothing to do with. The list is way too long for the things she said or done to me, but she wouldn't let me reach my full potential and experiment with my new found hobbies. BTW, I did leave and finding my own happiness in life.

kate28 on December 06, 2014:

Gail please hang in there....this jackass that broke your heart is not worth it...you are beautiful so do not let yourself believe that lie.

Meagan Freeman from California on October 16, 2014:

This is well written and so incredibly accurate! Perfect description of all of the narcissists I have known in my life. Very well done!!

aprilmay123 on October 01, 2014:

Nessie I know you posted a while ago. I understand your pain-hope you're doing better!.I think mine was a socio. We broke up, I walked away, it took installing an app on my phone to block calls & texts. People after said he was a sociopath. He called me every name in the book-broke my finger, and interfered with my family. 9 months later time had healed and we met for a beer to talk, I wanted to understand why he called my dad someone he never met. My friends say you'll never get closure. All he wanted was sex. I was like are you kidding me? So to punish me a few days later he emails me: i slept with someone b/c you wouldn't sleep with me. I was suicidal, how could someone be so cruel when he knew I had finally healed? I layed in bed for 1 week-no shower barely and food. Friends say he's a parasite you're so much better. But I saw him again and he acts like he loves me so much, and it seems sincere. I've remained firm on no sex b/c I know he's dating girls we've been apart for 10 months now. He tells me he loves me but sleeps with random girls; I can't do that when I am in love-granted we were not together but it hurt to hear that. I'm so torn he keeps talking about this connection we have, that he can't talk for hrs with other girls, wants to grow old, etc. But I've waited 2 yrs to move in with him and there's always an excuse. It's so damn believable when I am with him

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on September 06, 2014:

H@&$H,

Search up Gail Meyers, she is a writer who has a mother that suffers with NPD. You may find her articles useful. I don't know if she can offer any advice but it wouldn't hurt to try contacting her.

H@&$H@ on September 02, 2014:

I have a mom Who behaves in the same manner as above in the description I am now a 15 year old Girl! I really want to change my mom ! No matter what! I am really getting Depressed about it! Whom ever I uproach with my Problem they say that I am misleading myself ! No one even cares about me ! I feel lonely! If anyone try to take by my side my mom will break the relationship with them! And If I talk about her behaviour she Either pummels herself or me! Sometimes I feel like leaving the home and running away from everyone ! I hope I get some Advice!

Gail on July 21, 2014:

I don't think I will ever really heal or trust any man in my life ...I am 49 now but I grew up with an NPD mom who also was a drunk and abusive to me. Than all though school and my youth I was called ugly and made fun of because I have a very large nose among other things... I was an ugly kid. Than starting at 20 yrs old I went from one NPD relationship to the next...abused /used by all of them ! In the yr 2000 I was in a 2 years one where he almost killed me, physically abused me, destroyed my life and my reputation which left me isolated to get help from the abuse. I got out of that one in 2002. The next lasted only a few months....he was arrogant, lured me in used me quickly, got bored and got rid me fast but not until he was done making me doubt my faith, my own opinions, mind thought and beliefs and decisions....I stayed single and got counseling for them... When I wasn't looking for anyone I met my last NPD who was the worst..2009 .because I actually loved him with all my heart and we talked about marriage and a baby...he was the man who said he loved me, gave me attention and acted like he loved being with me all the time...him and I were so much alike ( I thought)he even said he felt spiritually connected to me and it wasn't just physical...I was Christian when he met man and a very nice person, kind, thoughtful, generous and faithful ! He said he was also ! He played with my mind subtly ..I was always the one who did bad, hurt him or was wrong...it went so far as him telling me I needed professional help ! I got punished for months on end with silent treatment and avoidance and he even stopped saying he loved me. I begged forgiveness everyday but nothing..only on occasion he would email to remind me it was all my fault and I need help and how I hurt him !I got that help and He even brainwashed me to convince my counselor it was me who was at fault for everything and I needed to change ! Long story short....2014....he dropped me overnight, unexpectedly and cruelly...telling me don't bother crying cause it won't work and to go find someone else ! 3 weeks later I decided to dig for information on him ! His whole life was a lie and made up ! No one but his mother had anything good to say about him..they said he was cheating on me for 5 years taking women out to dinner....even his 20 yr old son bad mouthed him and said he was weird....a loner, lived poorly and owed money to people. He made it looked if he was a great dad and close to his son and so much more ! I was so deeply in love with someone who doesn't even exist... 3 month later I still am so in love with this non existing man and miss him so horribly. I have panic attacks and cry everyday, suffer depression and feel as if I want to die.. I feel ugly outside and inside ! Like I am not good enough...not only did he cheat on me...all my ex's did ! I am tired now..too tired to get well or work at getting well. I lost some of my hair over this stress and my face look so aged and worn down from these 5 years... I am tired of talking....just plain tired ! I want out ! I am sure right now he is with someone much prettier than I could ever be !....Well I am off to go cry again....

dondee3006 on June 24, 2014:

Wow.... I was lucky enough to get away for my ex of 5 years, although It left me further behind in my life than when we met. I was abused in every way and I endured months of waking up to being raped.. I thought he was a control freak before I read this.. It was very difficult to get out as he is a licenced gun owner who had thousands of rounds of ammo and at least 4 guns I knew of.

Thank you for insight into what I endured, survived and (still) recovering.

k8ring L8d on April 28, 2014:

This is now my daughters life…..so so sad……she began a relationship with a wealthy man who is certainly a narcissist…..she gave up her career and after an attempted suicide and therapy and my support ( refused to be part of his army) she has made one attempt to get rid of him and then went back. He has threatened to destroy her new career and her dignity and reputation. She is trying to break away slowly to make him believe it was his choice to end it. This SICKO definitely has the technical background, knowledge and money to really act on these threats. His wealth is the only thing he didn't lie about. The relationship started the end of October and already every detail you mentioned in your story she has been victim to.

She truly sees the sickness he has and after being such an up beat confident ambitious girl and to be victimized to false love, manipulation, shame, disrespect and making her feel like she is insecure and insane…

She knows it isn't her that it sick and that she will be fine without him.

She is terrified by these threats so if anyone has suggestions on how to get rid of him and how she can manipulate him into believing he made the decision to end the relationship so she can keep the home she bought and her Medical Device job please let me know. She does not need his money she had her home and another good job prior to meeting him…..she needs to get her things from his home as she moved in with him…..she is afraid he will get upset and paranoid if she moves things all out at once. He will retaliate if she does….she has no children is young and never been married…..she is absolutely beautiful and I am so glad she has finally come to her senses and regained her dignity…….I am just so afraid of what he will do if she leaves…..I don't live in the same state as her but we talk all the time on a private cell phone. He records and tracts her every movement…he knows everything about computer hacking etc. Please help to suggest a way to get rid of this Nut without putting her in danger. Thanks

Marc Hubs (author) from United Kingdom on April 11, 2014:

Yes, this is very related to domestic verbal abuse DeeDee22250,

You can contact me privately on Facebook under the name Sparkster Hubs.

DeeDee22250 on March 31, 2014:

I believe I'm caught up in being a victim very much as written here. I don't seem to be able to get out of it. Where can I get help, and is this related to domestic verbal abuse?

Can I write to you off grid somehow?

Deb on March 31, 2014:

How can I get out of this?

Now I can live on March 17, 2014:

You are all amazing people as you can now truly see..this journey has just started and we need to look at blogs to educate ourselves and keep focussed on true love friendships and looking at seeing are friends as our family if the problem came from there.....when you find yourself consumed in thought about this terrible abuse please remember this one step that helps me....do not! Get in there head! You will never work out why as they have a mental problem ...get out of there head and move forward ...move forward by appreciating true love and friendships children in your life and simple things like a lovely day...you are sooo lucky as without a mental problem such as NPD you can enjoy these things not like that horrid NPD suffer ......good luck all...... Justice is what we want but justice can come in all sorts of forms....let go and as time goes on you go through different stages anger frustration ...depression ..and finally freedom it does get better...NPD DO NOT And CAN NOT SHOW EMPATHY so please don't think you can talk it through and show them your side you can not.................................................................sleep well...don't over think.....enjoy the little things....help a well deserving person or a stranger... Love this life.....and think yourself very lucky as some people don't pull them selfs out of this hell we call the web of the NPD....YoU DID and I DID thank god........

Barb on January 28, 2014:

It's not my partner that's made me the victim, but my sister. And you described her and her "Army" to a T! It's a great feeling to know I'm not crazy! I dumped her out of my life with NO CONTACT a little over 2 years ago. However, I'm still abused by her "Army". One by one, I'm dumping them as well. The only people that TRULY know me, are the ones that don't know HER!

susan on January 14, 2014:

Wow, I have been married twice both times to Narcissistic men. This marriage is much worse you described him in this article. I don't know how someone can make someone fall in love with them and marry them and you wake up one morning and realize you don't know this person at all. They lead a double life and everything you thought they were they are not. Everything they told you is a lie. They don't love you they used you. They married you to be a mom to their kids and so they could be free to do whatever they want and when you find out you are suppose to let them live like a single guy and date around sleep around with whomever they want. Its all crazy!

silkred on November 18, 2013:

not always in relationships

I am a hang glider pilot and one of the other pilots I have discovered is a NARC, I crossed him about a year ago by making a joke youtube video poking fun at his use of powered hang gliders - seems innocuous enough - especially in a group that takes pride in "taking the piss"

however as I write I have had a year of feeling depressed upset and now I am almost fully isolated from the other pilots - some who I had seen as good friends but who now nolonger reply to my emails and can be seen to follow this person around like a puppydog

the NARC has recruited a little group, it is them, not him who act out - he is seen to be a hero, some sort of demigod - he has even been selected to represent the UK in the next world championships

if I try to talk with anyone about his behaviour - why I think I feel as I do - describe the latest manipulative whatever he has done then I am seen as some sort of weirdo

I have clearly stated in public for him to leave me alone - all attempts in the past to find some common ground became ammunition for him somehow - he goes after my friends sending them communications designed to undermine their opinion of me - the whole thing is utterly exhausting and has poisoned something that I had previously loved unconditionally - after all who could not love to fly - this is what we do and its a beautiful thing - only now I am forced to share space with this NARC and his sidekicks - removing the free flowing easy banter I would once enjoy...