It's Not an Easy Task
Dealing with someone who suffers from bipolar disorder is not easy, there is no manual, and each person is different. Being bipolar myself, I can say it is not an easy task being the sufferer either. The number one thing to remember is patience.
Bipolar disorder is like riding an uncontrollable roller coaster—like a monkey jumping from tree to tree. We, the bipolar ones, don't always realize how our actions affect others. When the chemicals in our brain start to run in overdrive there are so many different moods that we encounter that it is hard to establish realism vs. just another mood swing. Sometimes our actions are not coherent to us, we believe in all sanctity that we are correct and everyone else is wrong.
If you are with someone you love, it is a full-time commitment. You can't love someone with this disorder just when they are doing well. It is a lifetime commitment on both parts. We as the sufferers should be aware of changes in our mood and behavior as well as the people in our lives. Confronting someone with bipolar and trying to tell them that they are wrong or that they are just having a mood swing does not better the situation for either party. You have to be careful—hurting their feelings when they feel they are correct or are doing nothing wrong causes more stress, anxiety and escalating moods.
Dealing With a Depression Episode
If you are with someone encountering a depression episode, which usually follows a manic or hypomanic situation, they have crashed. The word crashed is one I prefer to use because it is the way you feel—like you have actually lost feeling of your surroundings. We feel pseudo pain, require more sleep, and there is no motivation for anything. No drive to get out of bed, leave the house, shower, go to work—just sleep. Why? Sleep is as close to death as you can get, and when we are depressed, those creeping thoughts plague us. What can you do? Be supportive, not argumentative. Try to understand even if you can't. Encourage us to get up and be active but remember we have chemicals that are working against us—that don't allow us to make it from the bed to the bathroom. The littlest task is hideous. We become argumentative because we, ourselves, don't understand why our bodies are failing us. Don't ever doubt that the depression is real. It takes control and inhibits our body like a virus. Fortunately, this too shall pass.
I remember a time a while back when I was hypomanic and, even though I have worked endlessly for years to control it alone, I crashed. I crashed right here on HubPages and everyone who read my articles knew it. There were some who cared and emailed to make sure I was okay and that was like a breath of fresh air, although others call me crazy or the "one on meds". If you truly love the person who is suffering, never call them crazy and only bring up meds or seeing their doctor in very polite, understating ways. We will argue. We will eventually realize we are wrong. Don't throw that in our face. This illness does not discriminate, and a day in our shoes will change the way you think.
Promote positive ways to help overcome depression such as participating in therapy, taking a long walk or understanding, even if you don't. You probably never will, no matter how many books you read, how many times you have studied it. Learn about bipolar, you can't help someone if you don't know what the problem really is. Yes, we think we are right, no matter how euphoric our beliefs may be.
Let's say you are close to someone with bipolar, forget they are bipolar and consider them diabetic. If they don't get their meds or a proper diet they will decline. The same with bipolar disorder. Sometimes it takes a helping hand, not a demanding hand.
Dealing With Mania
Mania is the opposite of depression. No sleep is needed. Days with no sleep is not abnormal, but the things that a bipolar person does or experiences can sometimes be considered abnormal. Spending sprees, euphoria, increase in sex drive—these things can seriously damage a relationship and a person's view of self-worth. There are some precautions you may want to take if the individual is not capable of doing so. Money can be a real problem, especially in relationships. When you are manic, money means nothing. You spend it like there is no tomorrow on the silliest, non-essential things. My downfall was shoes. This is when I recommend that you stand your ground and don't allow your financial situation to decline. If the person is stabilized, mania can be controlled. The excessive talking and cleaning and not being able to be still can be nerve-racking to some. Try to keep them grounded, in a very polite loving way. Remember we don't think we are doing anything wrong, In cases of extreme mania a medication change may be necessary, so you need to have a relationship as well with the doctor. Be there to explain symptoms of mania and medication can be prescribed to keep them grounded. Being with a bipolar individual requires a commitment to both parts: honesty and patience—more than what should be required in a relationship where bipolar is not an issue.
Those Aggravating Mood Swings
Regardless of how good you can control your ups and downs, mood swings will always be an issue. In reality, everyone has mood swings. People get angry, frustrated, sad, mad, or happy—sometimes, for no apparent reason. We just kick it up a notch a bit. It is normal, the only thing you can do is try to rationalize their point of view. Sometimes it is way off hand and sometimes, well we might just be right. Most people with bipolar are very intelligent, very creative, and what I call "left-brained". Their concept of things are sometimes not as clear as it may be to you. This is where patience and understanding plays a big role. The ability to walk away to avoid an argument, even if you are right and they are wrong and being able to understand why they fell that way. It takes a special person to deal on a day to day basis with a bipolar individual, whether it is your relative, friend or companion. Patience is a must, but it is also the responsibility of one who suffers not to make others suffer as well, this includes taking meds, therapy, and avoiding alcohol, drugs, and other mind-altering substances. Support the one you love, show them you care and understand. It will make all the difference in the world. Peace.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.
kate on March 31, 2015:
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tired on February 11, 2014:
Having lived with Bipolar people, family members, friends, I have to say that they are manipulative and selfish. They like hurting people, don't have any remorse, and have a false sense of entitlement. Mental illness is not an excuse but they think they tend to hide behind it to gain certain benefits.
WifeofABeeper on October 02, 2013:
Read More From Youmemindbody
I just wanted to say that I think you are doing a wonderful thing here. You are sharing something that most people try to hide. I think talking about your symptoms and sharing your experiences is a very brave thing to do. I also think it is very theraputic. Most people don't realize how much better you feel when you start talking about how you are feeling about an episode, whether you are in one or not. Patience is one thing that I like to think I am mastering because of this illness. When my husband is on a high and going 90 miles a minute about 20 million different things I just listen. Most of the time that is all I can do because there is no getting a word in edge wise. That I know that most of this is just the wheels in his head spinng so fast. He is not going to do most of what he says and I have to continually remind him of what he has to get done and to set the grandious ideas on the side for a little bit. He is getting better with dealing with my suggestions and not taking offense to them but we have been in counseling and on meds for the past several years. before that things were terrible. He was violent and degrading towards me but wonderful, funny, and outgoing with his friends. Fotunately that has been changing over these last couple of years.
Now on the other hand when he gets depressed it is a lot more difficult to deal with. This is compouded by the severe PTSD he suffers from. It could be a word that sends him into a spiral or anger and then severe depression. This is more difficult to deal with especially since I cannot cater to him because we have three kids, their activities, and I work a fulltime job. But what I like to do is constantly give him hugs and kisses. I repeatedly tell him I love him and if he feels like he needs to rest, then do it because what is more important your state of mind or having the dishes done. Him, of course!
There are times when I have to draw the line with him though, which I was not able to do before. I just thought he hated me and didn't really love me. I now know that is not true. But when he starts going off on me I don't even say anything and just calmly and quietly get up and leave the room. Anymore he knows that I am upset and he doesn't follw me but that is not how it used to be. He would follow me and continue putting me down and yelling at me in front of our kids. For the longest time I would try to argue back. After we started counseling, I would grab the kids and we would leave the house until he called me and showed me he had calmed down. There has been lots of crying over the years but there have been so many wonderful times with him to!
Thanks again for sharing your story and for giving us all a place to share ours! You are an inspiration and I hope you have a wonderful support system to help yo continue in your growth! :)
WifeofABeeper on October 02, 2013:
I hope this finds you well. Living with someone who has BP is an extremely difficult thing to live with. I have been married to wonderful guy who is bipolar for over 15 years now and strongly believe that my father is bipolar as well. So I understand growing up living in fear. Fortunately I lived with my mother who would "put me in hiding" at a friends house when my dad was having an episode. He has tried to kill me several times even as I got older. The best advice I can give you since you are so young is to seek counseling, whether from a school counselor or a professional. You need to start somewhere. It would be great if your bipolar parent was involved in getting counseling for themselves but it doesn't sound like that is an option.
Counseling has been the only way for me to deal with the things that my father and husband have both done to me. It has also given me more specific tools to help them and myself during an episode whether manic or depressive. Fortunaltely both my husband and father are now taking meds but is has taken years for them both to come to the realization that it is needed and will be needed for the rest of their lives. My father had to almost die in an accident that he caused during a freak out and my husband cam to the realization when I told him I was going to leave him for another man who was not treating me the way that he was. I was just tot he point that I couldn't take the abuse anymore and I didn't want my kids growing up in that environment thinking it was okay for people to be treated or to treat people the way that he was.
Now finally if at all possible it sounds like you need a "safe" place outside of the home that you can go to or someoneyou can call for back up to help deal with this parent. Is your non-biploar parent aware of the situation and are you able to have them come get you when your bipolar parent is not thinking rationally? If not, maybe a close friend that you could safely ask to come hang out. You may need to talk to this friends parents and as uncomfortable as it may be, they should be aware that there is a safety issure at your house and you just need a safe place to be until is passes., which it will eventually do. Worst case scenario if you are over the age of 15 and in the US you can look into getting emancipated so you canbe "free" from your parents but this is a really difficult thing to do if you don't have financial support.
I just hope that you know there is hope and it will not be like this forever. You will have a chance to change your life and make it better. I knoe they can beat you down with their words and their fists that is why I really hope for you to get in to some counseling. It has been the only thing that has saved my life and my marriage.
Mike on June 29, 2013:
Concerning: How to deal with someone who is Bipolar
what do you do when there is NO SUPPORT in your family, especially from your wife, she has scorn me and scorned me and knows I have Bipolar 1 disorder, P.T.S.D & ANXIETY / PANIC DISORDER.
sHE YELLLLS AT ME FOR THE STUIDIST THINGS, COMES HOME AFER PARTYING WITH HER FRIENDS FOR HOURSA UPON HOURS AND DEGRADES ME, cant you think like a man? YOUR WORTHLESS, I WANT A DIVORCE, ALL SHE WANTS IS MY DISABLILTY CHECK TO PAY THE BILLS, I NEVER SEEN N E OF IT.
I am at my wits end and am ready to give up, I have a 10 yr old son, 30 yr old daughter and grand kids. but because of all the torment I can never be happy.
In that case as said above, what does someone do??
Now, my medication is hardly working.
Only 1 solution to escape all of the torment from my issues n wife.
Raul on February 21, 2013:
Hello I have a huge problem on my hands as the person I love has bipolar disorder and she is trransgender as well I need some help in understanding helping her with her emotions up until yesterday we lived together on and off for four years , I told her to leave as I have done many times she boils my blood to the point I cannot take it anymore she leads me down a path that has no exit until I finally blow because I have no other options she is the love of my life and she is the most loving caring person you could ever meet and she can be my worst nightmare, but I refuse to give up but I desperately need some help with this situation I do not want to lose her everI know I do not do or say the right things when we argue and I do not see the warning signs that I have been reading about here but I have many questions and I am begging please can anyone help me
Raul on February 21, 2013:
Growing Up With A Bipolar Sibling on September 05, 2012:
I know things seem awful at the moment. I've been there. Is it possible for you to get out of the house? I grew up with a bipolar sister. She had many manic episodes and at the time no one wanted to believe me that she needed help, being as I was the youngest child and everyone chose to chalk things up to normal sibling rivalry. I was eventually able to escape the situation when I turned 15 by moving into a friends house. Would something like this be an option for you? I am 34 now and my sister has since gotten help, so I can tell you that in time things do improve. Unfortunately even with medication living with a bipolar person can be hard and you may never have the kind of close relationship which you crave...but with some work and a lot of understanding things can improve. What you need to do in the mean time is focus on your own life and take your relationship with your parent for what it is. It may not be the kind of relationship that you want, and you'll have to choose to either accept it for what it is or choose to move on. I know that's not fair, but sometimes that's just the way that live is...
Me on July 08, 2012:
I am 14 years old and my mum suffers from bipolar disorder. She is always angry or upset and crying. I have had to deal with it since I was a baby and its getting harder. My dad is constantly away at work and my brother is never here so I feel very alone. I can't talk to my friends because they are all very selfish. Sometimes i cut my wrists.Every night I cry.
mr aleves on July 06, 2012:
My wife and I separated Last year September, I will agree I wasn't true to myself and her. But i did all I could let her have a good life I did put all my energy into our little family as we have 2 beautiful kids.because I worked As a waiter she didn't really like that for a career, she thought i didn't want to do well in my life. last year as the harsh finance situation hit as we've been suffering with our finance for a while she decided to end our marriage. which i was very devastated!! to lose the love of my life, but a month after separation i went to France for 10days to clear my head. when i got back she wanted me back but she didn't want romantic side of it a month after xmas she told me again that she cant do it anymore as our finance was at lowest. then we made a decision to end it to sort our lives out...but my prayer everyday for her to realize that i am not a loser all i wanted is to do what i could to put food on the table and roof over their head. since the second separation i am qualified football coach and fitness instructor and doing more toward my career but I don't want to get into a relationship with another woman when my wife and I suffered all of this years when my career takes of shes not there to enjoy it with me..I really want her back in my life so i contacted this spell caster CHIFE OGWA who now help me to bring her back, we now have a happy family together with my wife. If you want his help you reach him via email at ChifeOgwa@yahoo.com
mrsbipolar on July 04, 2012:
My bipolar husband walked out on me and our infant son 2 months ago. I found out I was pregnant the week he left. I'm starting my own page here at hub now, but I am at a loss. This weekend I lost the baby I was carrying and found out that he started sleeping with a coworker within 2 weeks of leaving. He told me yesterday that he doesn't even remember the things he has done. I have plenty of people telling me to walk away, but I took vows. And he is sick right now. I am interested in help from anyone out there that has been through this or something like it.
I'm Sorry on July 01, 2012:
I can't do my name at the moment, again I'm sorry, but I'm in a predicatment that can't be rectified for now, and I need advise.
I'm young enough that I can't just leave the house, and I have siblings that I need to watch. I have a duty, per say.
See, a year or two ago, the current parent I live with, went nuts. I know that's pretty blunt, but I don't like political correctness, and I'm not in a particular mood for it at the moment. Again, I'm sorry.
Anyway, that parent, as it would, abandoned us at the house during the morning right before school. I ended up finding out what happened after wards, and it isn't the sort of thing that I would wish to discuss. But, we found out that our parent had been bipolar for years, and we didn't know it.
So, the other parent, whom hadn't been living there because of divorce and with joint custody, took over for about a year. I was scarred because of that, but things did get back togather once the parent came back.
Well, sometime before spring break, bipolar parent stopped taking their medicine, and lost it again one saturday morning. Ended up grabbing me and holding me in our truck against my will, spouting nonsense. It frightened me, half to death that I was shaking afterwards for a few hours.
Its been monthes since that, and things have only gone downhill.
That other parent, the one not bipolar, came to live with us for a while. Well, they were evicted from the house, because of a money issue the bipolar parent had and refused to accept. I've had more arguments with the ill parent than I have ever had in my lifetime.
It hurts. Emotionally. A lot. I don't mean to be so down about it, but its hard to deal with. Door locks changed so that our house keys don't work, my bedroom door and main PC removed, and I'm the one taking the fire for things I've said sorry for. Its hurts, and I wish to God that none of this happened.
And things just keep going, the roommate that the evicted parent is staying with was suggested to be a sex offender by the bipolar parent, which is just evil. And I don't know what I can do to stop this. There is going to be a court case, to get custody of me and my younger siblings by the evicted parent, and the house if they can.
I hurt because of it. A lot, emotionally and mentally. It just hurts... I've been trying to avoid confrontation, but it becomes hard when you get hit with the fireing squad.
I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I don't want to hurt anyone, or burden them with my problems, and I know I have to wait. But what if me and my siblings are the losing ones here? What if this never works out? What can I do?
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But this, this is hard. Has there ever been a situation like this? Something that goes this bad? That hurts everyone?
How do you deal with this while you wait? And how can you deal with the person in the future? There isn't a way I can easily forgive this.
I don't mean to be cruel. I truly don't. But I'm... tired of it.
samson on June 23, 2012:
my name is samson sebastinefrom united kingdom i had a problem with my wife sometimes ago but never knew what the problem was,i tried to asked her but she refused to tell,me what it was as time goes on i discovered she was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend,iwas so sad that i never knew what to do next,during my search for a way out i met a friend of mine who had similar problem and introduced me to a man who helped him with his situation,on getting to the man i discovered he was a spell caster i was shocked because i have not had anything to do with a spell caster in my entire life so i tried to give this man a chance cos i never believed in spell casting as i thought it will not work for me but to my surprise i got positive results and i was able to get my wife back from him even after the spell caster did all i discovered my wife fell much more in love with me on like before so i was so happy that i never know what to do for him so i am using this opportunity to tell anyone on this blog having similar problem visit email@example.com..i am sure he will help you.
Gabby on June 10, 2012:
Bi polar people are just selfish
johnny on June 09, 2012:
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I and my girlfriend were seriously in love for three years and we were planning to get marry but one day she came to my house and
toldme she was no longer interested in our relationship simply because she was dating another rich man who promise to buy her
a car and to sponsor their wedding. And i suffer heartbreak for five months and i was not tired of loving him.One faithful day as i
was browsing through the internet, i saw a testimony on how a spell caster helped some one name BROWN to get back his wife
after two years of losing his wife because he was no longer having a job. Through this Email...firstname.lastname@example.org So i
sent an email to email@example.com for help and surprisingly my boy friend came back with the help of the spell caster
and was begging to come back. and now we are happily married. His Email.....firstname.lastname@example.org
georgia on June 05, 2012:
I am 14 years old and my granny is now bipolar. because she means the world to me im finding this extremely difficult to deal with , id just like to say thankyou for writing this. id has helped me a lot as i am so uneducated about bipolar and the only way i know anout it is from jean from eastenders. thankyou again.
Chedes Vallente Hess (Oñez) on June 01, 2012:
what do you think of a man who talks excessively, he wants to talk about his plans and his life then some people think he is insane. Is there a problem on him? if there is what could be the problem?
NeedPeace on May 31, 2012:
My problem with my Bi-Polar best friend is that she throws away our friendship every time she has an episode. What makes it extremely difficult for me is that I have Major Depressive Disorder and my feelings get extremely hurt. I am at the point where I can no longer accept her apologies of "it wasn't me, it was my bi-polar." I can no longer allow her mental illness to supersede mine for me. I need advise on the best way to end this dysfunctional relationship permanently without going into a MDD episode. Any advise will be appreciated.
ABK on May 31, 2012:
my father is a bipolar patient and my parents got divorced few years back,it's really hard to cope with envio outside and i also get stressed up,he doesn't take medicine i feel like leaving home,or do what i can....he has been admitted to hospitals many times but still ain't taking medicines...hat to do?i'm stressed up?with no mom and just a father who cant manage things wastes money,im 18....
Robert on May 29, 2012:
How do you deal with a bipolar. The answer is you don't. Everyone around them must be made aware that they are crazy & toxic. Walk, or better yet run away from these monsters. Life is too short. From 27 years "dealing" with her.
guilty daughter on May 25, 2012:
I think my mom is bipolar and it took me a long time to realize it, actually just now due to "s chetty" comment. My mom the exact same, word for word. It been so difficult especially when my mom is so verbally abusive.
I've moved out the house 5 month ago to a new place to get a job in another province and I have to admit I never been happier. Alright I admit, this job was 80% as a way to run away from her. I tried to call once a week, to fulfill my daughter duty and I have to admit I hate calling her. Every call she would rant about how everybody is being unfair to her, how miserable she is, how nobody helps her... etc... There is no reasoning with her as she keeps saying I don't understand her when I list solutions.
My problem lies in the fact my dad is old and she's the only person looking after my dad. Before I moved away, I was the sole person helping her out with my dad. Moving away was one of the toughest decision I ever made as I really didn't want to go while my dad so old now and I do want to spend time with him. But the situation with my mom, living in her household when I couldn't contribute much financially made me feel like I was a money leech to her. "I was a bum depending on her and she was always spending money on us..." her words exact to me.
She refuse to ask help from relatives, she even refuse to admit there's problem with my dad now and we need help sometimes. She refuse to hire someone to come into the house to look after my dad while we out working or just need to go out as that person would snoop around and steal from her. She even feels our own relative would steal from her. I got a half brother from my dad's first marriage and my mother made me promise to mention nothing to him about my dad's situation as she does not trust my half brother. I would be killing her if I tell anyone, her words exact. I fear losing my mom if I tell anyone and yet I am worry for my dad too.
I am in a situation now whenever I call my mom, I can literally hear and feel her stress and she's not handling it well with just my dad. It's also no longer a case when I lived with her and could handle things while she goes into berserk mode.
I feel guilty I didn't stay and help her out and yet at the same time the last 5 months have been the only 5 months I never live in a roller coaster environment when no one is mad or yelling at me. I'm not sure I can stand going back to her house and help out with dad anymore and yet I think I might have to soon.
Anom on May 17, 2012:
Since I was three my mother has been extremely mentally abusive to me and my siblings, and physically abusive to my father.
I am scared when she is in the room. I jump and try to leave quietly. I am over eighteen so I could leave. My father is very sick and needs help so I choose to stay. When we leave the house to go to the store I only go with to keep her from hurting other people.
She says she is not feeling well...
christine on May 06, 2012:
so i don't know what's wrong with my mom, but after reading this i think she's bipolar. my whole life my family has hated being around my mom because she's a such a bitch to everyone and her logic doesn't make any sense in the slightest and she gets angry over the smallest things and then starts hitting us and pullig hair and calling us names and then the next day she is completely fine and tells us we should apologize for yelling so loudly at her the day before,as if she literally doesn't believe she did anything wrong. she does this to my dad too, and she's always threatening divorce but never actually does it. do you think this is bipolar or she's just literally insane? because i'm scared of going home when she's around...
A.Thomas on April 20, 2012:
Thank you so much for writing this. My husband has PTSD, Severe Depression and I believe now Bipolar. He is an alchoholic, and when he hits bottom, he tells me that I would be better off without him, and why do I love him, why do I stay with him. We have been married for almost 4 years now and he recently quit a job that was stressing him to the point of Cutting himself. Reading this brought tears to my eyes, because I want to help and to understand my husband when he crashes.
Art lover on April 14, 2012:
I just wanted to thank you for this article. I was diagnosed as bipolar 10 years ago and it was oddly liberating to know that there was a reason to some of how I was acting. I was lucky enough that they found the right dosage, but I like many others played around a bit with my meds (why do we do this?). But I do want to emphasise that although it can be extremely difficult at times, I do believe that we as a mental health community need to take responsibly for our own actions. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who is mentally ill and blames ALL of their actions and reactions on being mentally ill. I really do understand how exceptionally hard and dark it can get, but please don't use mental illness as a scapegoat for all of life's problems. Sorry, off my soapbox now.
CaptainAttitude on April 11, 2012:
Kaiem, I completely believe that his irregularity on his medications is having a huge impact on his behavior. When not medicated, it is very likely that he hates himself, but that doesn't always manifest as self-hatred, but rather as finding fault with everything outside of himself. His perception is clear (to himself) that everything is wrong outside of him, and he is absolutely right. It is irresponsible of him to be on and off medication in this way. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to discuss this with him while he is in this state. Nothing. He is also exhibiting many symptoms of a controlling and abusive partner. He has trained you to be submissive and subserviant to his every whim, you described one instance when he physically attacked you. Bearing in mind that it is likely his mental state that is driving this, his true identity is not to blame, but you can not risk your self, and your safety. My advice to you (for you to take or not to take) is leave, and leave with a clear message. Tell him you will come back after his disease is managed again, if he wants, and also that you'll leave every time he goes off of his medications. Let him know that managing his disease is a deal-breaker. Expect that this ultimatum will not be well received. He'll likely believe that you are trying to control him (partially true), and he'll probably reject you and tell you to go, that he doesn't need you, etc. Then go. Follow through on the warning. The truth is you have no control over what he does and doesn't do. This disease can be very dangerous to the sufferer and those around them. In the end, he must come to grips with the reality that he must commit to managing his medications for the rest of his life. The sooner he realizes this the sooner he can begin to build a better life. There is no guarantee it will be with you.
...and my background... my wife is the sufferer. We have been together for 13 years and married for almost 11. We have two children together. She is very compliant with her medications and she still has problems coping. There is a skill in talking to a BP sufferer that you can develop with time. I don't always get it right, but I do better than I used to. Also, managing this disease can be very expensive. The costs of psychiatrists and medications is a huge commitment, but it is sometimes going to be more important than food.
Good luck to you.
Miss Grappy on April 09, 2012:
I think stress is the contributing factor.. Everyone has stress and it depends on how people measure and cope with their stress. Stress can come from WORK, RELATIONSHIP, FAMILY, MONEY, etc. When there is stress, people get tense up and when people get tense up, they will have attitude problems. In long run, they get the so called 'Bipolar' 'Depression' and 'Mood Swing' and be classified as 'the mental problem categories'.. In life,many people have different needs and wants. The lesser you hoped for, the lesser stress you have. The more you want to achieve something or keep up with something, the more stress you'll have. It's always good to take things at our own capability and ability. I can also understand it is especially difficult to deal with people who are stress because they think on their own logic. Why not, let's all just try to understand them and and put ourselves on their shoes and probably can help them to overcome the stress their facing. I believe that is the least we could do by lending a listening ear to them and constantly helping them. This will definitely help rather then agitating them so that their illness will get better than worst.
kaiem on March 27, 2012:
I've been dating my boyfriend who has been diagnosed with bipolar disease since he was 16, for almost 2 years now. He is 28 and we've been living together for nearly 1 year now. He takes medications every day.
At the beginning of our relationship every thing was so perfect. He seemed to be so in love with me. He wanted to marry me and was the sweetest person ever. A year later when i moved in, out of Nowhere, one day, he told me he didn't love me anymore he wanted to be with other girls etc. I'm his first girl friend.i was devastated. We still stayed together. The next day he'd act like nothing happened. He'd tell me he loves me, I'm the best I'm perfect etc..but every month or so it'd be the same thing. He'd argue about the smallest things tell me the meanest things insult me tell me I'm garbage tell me he doesn't care about me he doesn't love me ..that I'm a wall and he's stuck with me and can't see other girls..i'd cry all night and the next day..everything would be like it never happened...this has happened several times now. A few days ago... He was on my laptop for 8hrs and i asked only twice if i could use it. The second time i asked he got so so so angry he yelled at me insulted me grabbed my throat told me to shut up when i tried defending myself..i cried and went to bed. He told me I'm nothing but furniture to him.. That I'm garbage and he made me sleep on sofa. The next morning he said he acted that way cuz i annoyed him and he apologise and made me apologized too. He said he loved me and went to work. When he came from work he ignored me for a few hours then started insulting me and talking to me in such a negative way and when i asked him what was wrong he did nothing but insult me and finally said he didn't love me. I tried telling him that this happens on a monthly basis and its not true but he told me it is true he has No feelings for me at all he feels No spark between us he has no feeling when we kiss he doesn't care about my family or me He does not and will not invest in this relationship anymore he looks at other girls and when iam not with him he feels single. He said its my choice if i want to break up. I told him i love him i don't want to break up but i cried for hours and hours. I asked him why did he stop loving me He answered its just like that. I do everything for him i give him anything that makes him happy i cook i clean i go to work i never never complain i agree with wtv he says as i learned that he has a bad temper when i tell him or show him he's wrong. I do Whatever he wants...i try my best to always be there for him...i don't know what to think anymore. At the moment..we're still together and things are back to normal. He said we'll give it another try that he still loves me.
I'm just at lost of words. Does he truly love me or not? I noticed its always happens when he doesn't take his medication for a few days . I checked and i think for 3 days he hadn't taken them as the bottle had emptied and he didn't renew them yet. Does him not taking his medication have anything to do with this? Can you Please tell me what you think. It'd be very much appreciated. Thank you!
s chetty on March 19, 2012:
I think my mum has bipolar. I am worried & concerned & do not know how to make her see that she needs help. She constantly thinks that people are out to get her, she has these mood swings where she can be calm,happy ,in control & then she suddenly gets into a state of depression .When this happens she becomes loud,angry & accuses people of all the bad that has transpired in her life. She lives in a world of fear ,thinking that people are out to 'get' her.We are trying our best but these outbreaks are causing a rift in my family because not everyone has the patience & understanding.Really don't know how to approach the situation????????????
Kathi on March 15, 2012:
i cant handle my boyfriend with bipolar. hes mean he calls me horrible names threatens me and hurts animals. what do i do? he wont let me go if i do he will hurt me he says. Im so lost.
Matthew Rollins on March 12, 2012:
Very interesting im in a relationship as well and have a hard time getting along with that person sometimes argumentive its hard and im working on getting psychiatric help cause i have depression and anxiety its no fun!!!
L on March 10, 2012:
The person I love may be bipolar. She has horrible mood swings to the extreme. I try to talk to her but it is no good and she is always right. I try not to be argumentative but she picks at me because what she does is perfect and no one else. She is obsessed about the house being clean and having things her way. It's a constant battle every day. No matter what I am always wrong. I do love her but I am not sure I can continue this. Help......
MHaskins on March 09, 2012:
I have a question regarding my dear friend with bipolar. We've been friends since jr. high and I was actually sitting next to her during our senior yr. of highschool when she had her first manic episode. Of course at the time I had not a clue. She was diagnosed right away since most (maybe all?) of her immediate family have some sort of mental disorder so her parents knew she needed help. It's been about 10 years since then. We almost never talk about her disorder. I know she changes meds now and then. I also know she doesn't see a therapist, just a doc for meds. My dilemma is this: she is very mean and unpleasant to be around about 50% of the time I'm with her. Once a year we plan a weekend getaway with a small group of friends which inevitably ends up in some kind of blow-up from the friend with bi-polar. She has never, in all these years, acknowledged how her illness effects the friendship or apologized for extremely hurtful words. Is it possible she doesn't realize her behavior can be destructive? Is it worthwhile to address this with her? I don't know the extent of her illness. Since diagnosis she went on to complete and undergrad degree and has held down the same job as an elementary school teacher for 5 years. So she seems stable and healthy. If I hadn't known her in high school and was unaware of her illness I'm sure I wouldn't keep her as a friend because of how mean she can be. Sometimes I wonder if she does have some control over her behavior because she hasn't been fired from her job even though she deals with 4th graders and their parents, not to mention her coworkers and boss. I can always tell right away if she's in one of her "moods" and I immediately feel a let down. I'm not fully educated on bi-polar so I don't completely understand. She is on meds so she's not out of control, but she's either in a combative mood or super sweet. I haven't seen her in a depressed state ever that I can think of except after a bad break-up. I guess I just wonder if some of this is her personality? I know it for sure is an illness but maybe some of it is just her?
Helpme210 on March 08, 2012:
I have a friend who has dysphoric mania... supposedly one of the hardest forms of bipolar to treat. My friend has been episode after episode and suicide attempt one after the other and has currently been manic for a week, but she is currently in the process of being put on lithium and I have been with her every step along the way through all her attempts every since I have known her. She knows she can not control her thoughts, suicidal thoughts, emotions, or ideas but she is convinced she can control her actions. Ever since she told me that she could control her actions, she is convinced she can defeat her disorder. She promised me she wouldn't try anything and hasn't ever since the promise was made. The ideas and suicidal thoughts were all there, even the motivation; however, she did not try anything. I love her to death and trust her with all my heart, I just want to do and know what's best for her because I do not know whether to believe her. I trust her when she is in a normal state and all other times because she can not lie to me, ever, it's not in the cards... but when she is manic like this I just can't decide nor do I know what to do...the only thing that makes me question it is because when she promised me she wouldn't try anything...she hasn't for about 3 days but has had the same motivation she normally does when she attempts. Do I believe her? I want to do what's best for her, I want her to stay alive for as long as possible, I just don't know what to do or what to believe...help!
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on February 28, 2012:
u r ery welcome i hope you cound come comfot in knowing you are not alone and that it takes someone special to deal with bipolar, as far as you having it too, Bipolar is found in the Y chromsone, it is passed genectically from father to daughter to mother to son, since this is your dad (my dad is bipolar) the feelings you are having are very possibly what "they" call "learned behavior". You have grown up watching your father and how he reacts to situations, you may have learned that from him. I wish you the best and and don't forget about yourself and your goals during all of this madness...,
ILive4Him on February 24, 2012:
Wow. Uhmm I just wanted to say thank you for this. My dad is bipolar and ..its really hard cuz its just me and him. And i'm at the point where im a little overwhelmed because I think I have it too and it just crushes me seeing him sad. I wish and pray everyday that I will have the strength to make him happy or smile or just get out of the house, but sometimes I cant even find the strength to make myself do anything. And it just feels hopeless sometimes.. I don't know. I just wanted to say thanks (:
Jojo on February 16, 2012:
Wow.. This article is really insightful & surreal. My boyfriend who I love with all my heart suffers bipolar disorder, I'm almost positive.. But idt he knows it. I wish I could easily tell him that I think that's what's wrong but am terrified on how he'll react.. I know I'm never gonna understand how he truly feels, but I wish he'd at least try to understand how I'm feeling.. Causing me depression from dealing with it for 2 years now. He'll make me grin from cheek to cheek one moment & then I'm bawling my eyes out beyond belief juss wanting to die the next.. It's a he'll of a job to handle sometimes, considering I'm only 15...
Jimmy on February 15, 2012:
The problem I have dealing w my partner who is bipolar is that they "crash" they are remorseful after wards.
During a fight I calmly try to tell them let's think this out, relax and talk calmly so we can avoid spending energy on negativity and be positive enjoy each others company. Do not work. I don't know what else to do. I love this person but the stress is affecting my day to day.
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on January 31, 2012:
if you are not bipolar, of course you are not going to understand, millions are diagnosed, imporoperly i believe, but you don't hae enough of evidence to prove to me it is liack of sleep, you should be ashamed.....
ohhh, don't take that melatonin during the day, it causes tumors, unless you think lack of sleep causes that too.
Tulips on January 30, 2012:
Something isn't right here. How can so many millions of people be bipolar. There are pages and pages of people writing about their experiences and how they need a lot of sleep when they are depressed. Isn't it obvious to them that some of there symptoms could be from lack of sleep rather than being bipolar. People in the united states are always deprived of sleep either getting to school on time or work,never realizing that bipolar symptoms might just be a chemical imbalance from not getting enough hours of sleep. Elementary kids need 11-12 hours a night, Middle school kids need, 10-11, high school kids need 8 to 9 and adults need 8. Even schools that shifted their time to 8 or 9 instead of 7 a.m saw an increase in the grades. It's almost as if some conspiracy to keep Americans working very early so they can sell all these drugs.
It is very hard for an adult to fall asleep before 11 p.m, that's when the melatonin kicks in and makes you drowsy, so those who don't sleep 11 p.m to 7 a.m and have an interrupted dream will have chemical imbalances in the brain.
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on January 26, 2012:
It unot unusual for people to quit taking their meds. They are horrible and the side effects sometimes makes it unbearable..... If your fiancé is having affairs of some sort and being violent towards you, she is either hypo- manic or manic at this time. She is very fortunate to have someone love her enough to even look for help on the internet and answers that you just cant seem to find. Unfortunately, if you want her to be better, you may have to have her involuntarily committed to a hospital to get her back on her meds. Without them, she will continue this cycle and eventually destroy everything you both have worked for and her having relations with other men can be dangerous, i am sure you are aware of that. The only thing I can offer you is to tell you to be patient, but make sure she gets back on her meds, especially a mood stabilizer. I know it can be tough, there have been times i have put my family through hell and back. I know and you know that she is not in control of her actions, that doesn't mean it is ok or you accept it. You gotta show some tough love, if you have to have her admitted. It will only help the situation. I can tell you love her very much but you also have to think of yourself. This disease does not go away, she will suffer from it the rest of her life. Meds are crucial, you have to find a way to convince her that she has to take them. Does she have a therapist or doctor you can call to discuss this and find a way to have her put in a hospital? As much as you love her, you can't allow her to make you unhappy. Maybe you should make that clear, it is obvious that she knows that whatever she does you will still be there. Knowing that it is easy to take advantage of the situation. Please do whatever means necessary to get her back on her meds. It will be beneficial to both of you. Your understanding and compassion says a lot about you and if you love her, you have to love her illness too. Maybe you both should seek therapy so she can realise how painful this is for you to see her this way and how much it hurts to be on that roller coaster with you...... Keep the Faith and know that if she was on her meds she would not do things to hurt you or herself. I know it is hard to be patient and understanding but I hope this Hub has helped you realize what it is like for her as well. Keep in touch, i am sorry i don't have all the answers or a quick fix, it is a long road but chances of recovery are good, you just have to find the right doctors and learn to communicate with her in a non-violent way. Right now she needs help you cant give her, she needs professional help. I will keep you in you in my prayers and know that even though things are bad right now, this too shall pass. Bless you for you are rare to withstand all of this and know it is not your fault, it is not even her fault. Bipolar is ugly, mean, and can destroy realionships. Stand by her, don't give up on her, just get her help. God Bless you for what you do for her, keep the faith.
Tito B3 on January 25, 2012:
MY,GOD!!!! Your posting,or site has gave me hope in,the mist of all my struggles. My wife to be is bipolar. We have been at eachothers throats for the last three months now. Im at the point where I cant say nothing. I fought hard and long,to get her baxk on her meds. Jut for her to STOP AGAIN. Shes violent she leaves me to go have relations with other men. Then when,that dosnt work out she comes back to me. Broken and busted down. Then I have to work harder to build us up again. I don't,wanna loose her. Shes beautiful . But im running outta options. HELP HELP HELP . Its at,the point where shes violent and wants to fight me. Or has fought me. I never lay a finger on her because I love her and want her. I need help . Weve ought,counceling
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on January 22, 2012:
keep the faith,
thanks, and when you referred to the "grace of
God" you are definitely going in the right direction! I hope all does go well for your daugher and please keep in touch!
Keep the Faith on January 22, 2012:
Hi Dori, thanks for your comprehensive and caring response. I will make an appointment to see our family doc as she has over 12 years of my daughters medical history on file. I am also planning to see a pastoral psychologist in the coming week to help me in getting my daughter in for councelling and obviously the next steps in getting her to accept that there is "something wrong" which with the grace of God will lead to us getting her to a good doctor who will start with the process of medication and therapy. I will let you know how we are doing on this journey as you hub has helped me piece together a lot of the mysteries. It might also help other parents. God Bless and stay well!
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on January 21, 2012:
First of all, if your sons girlfriend is bipolar, there doesn't have to be a reason she doesn't like you, she probably doesn't like herself. It is concerning that she is pregnant because if she is on medication, she will have to stop. It is now known that anti-depressants, as well as mood stabililzers can cause extreme birth defects. That means bipolar with no meds and hormone levels racing she will need someone to help her. She will refuse your help i am sure. talk with your son first and let him know how he feels and then without being judgemental or putting her down, talk to her and offer all of your help and support. Hopefully she will accept it, because she will need someone there for her.
First things first, talk to your son and if she is on medication her doctor should know about her being pregnant, so meds could be discontinued. This is your grandchild being at risk and all needs to be put aside for the health and safety of the baby and the mom. Be very patient with her, she needs to know she can trust you, they will need yu now more than ever. Sometimes we can be harsh on our childrens choice of partner and i am sure you have made her feel inadequate. not on purpose but she probably reads things into every situation that is not there and responds immediately with anger. If she is carrying your grandbaby you do ot want her to feel inferior. Keep on keeping on and if you really want this it will take work. Don't pull away from them, regardless of what they say, they need you. Be there. Just be there.
Keep in touch,
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on January 21, 2012:
Keep the Faith,
Bipolar usually rears its ugly head around puberty and escalates in late teens, early twenties. It is obvious that your daughter is not happy, no fault of yours. the binging on food shows she doesn't care how she looks or her health. It is funny to me how she is a waitress> I too have waitressed on and off since i was 14. I once had a therapist tell me that my self loathing made it impossible to have realtionships with almost anyone and trust was a factor. When you are a waitress you meet all sorts of people and its always "nice meeting you," Have a nice day!", etc. She has short term, very short term relationships with her customers and feels good about herself and their reaction to the fact that she does a good job, but then they leave and she may never see them again. Those few minutes she spent with strangers made them happy and therefore she felt satisfied that she was accepted and even better that she would never have to have a real relationship with them. Relationships with anyone is hard when you don't feel worthy. My opinion and i am not a doctor, no where near that, she is depressed, very depressed and food makes her happy when everything else fails her, (this is only in HER mind of course), the flights of fantasy and highs and lows leads me to believe that she is indeed bipolar. The sad thing is, she want admit it. Bipolar is a very dangerous cycle and if she doesn't get help soon her moods could escalate and she could hurt herself or cut herself off from the life she could have. You can try to talk her into getting help, but I wouldn't suggest that because she will refuse and you don't want to lose her. Talk with her doctor first, it surprises me that if she goes to the doctor with phantom pain and there is nothing wrong, the doc didn't at least suspect depression. When i was sent to the hospital the first time, it was because my Doctor said that over a years time I had been to him with symptoms of pain and sickness when there was nothing wrong. It was a cry for help, maybe if your doctor or her doctor knew things that of course she is not going to tell him about, he could look back and see if there is a pattern. Usually people with Bipolar (and we are all different) follow patterns of depression and mania. Document it. She is not going to ask for help, you and her doctor are going to require she gets the help she needs. PLease talk this over with her doctor and tell the doc all of the contributing factors, the highs, lows, spending sprees, sounds like a young me. Don't give up on her and do something before she finds happiness that is self destructing, which is what she finds in food right now. It can get worse and the only choice is stop it or slow it down before she declines any further. I will keep u in my prayers and please keep in touch.
akabrottonlass on January 21, 2012:
My son has a girlfriend with bipolar who is now also 14 weeks pregnant. She does not want me to be involved in their lives due to something I had said which upset her. I don't see what I have done wrong but have tried to make right with her and she doesn't want to know. I want to have a relationship with my son and grandchild (and her) if possible. Any advice would be welcomed.
Keep the Faith on January 21, 2012:
Hi Dori, thank for your hub. My daughter is 19 (turning 20 soon). She is not diagnosed with BiPolar. I am investigating the reasons for her strange and irrational behaviour and came upon BiPolar. Reading through the symptoms of Mania and then of Depression is spot on to the child I have observed since she was in her early teens. She was pretty, very creative and a natural leader. Over the years, every circle of friends formed around her would just dwindle away. They were always to blame. There would always be someone out to get her. She talks non stop and then withdraws for hrs. She has become increasingly aggressive. Always needs to get the last word in. She is abrasive towards her grandparents and uncles and aunts. I am the last person who tries for her. She was a 1st yr student last year and mid year she started telling me that the course was not for her. In October she told me that she had "crashed". She said that her life was out of control. She could not manage her pocket money, she was involved with the wrong friends and that she did things which she was very embarrassed about. I have watched her insane spending sprees since high school. When she would get money from her grandparents or for a birthday, she must spend all her pocket money. Not a cent is left over. She always makes grandiose plans to get involved in something but it never comes to fruition. It is good to have dreams and ambition but then we work our way towards it. My girl would state that she wants to achieve the impossible in record time. I will support but soon the activity stops and it is all forgotten. Over the past 4 years she has gained so much weight that she battles to find clothes. This must have an impact on her self esteem. She sleeps for hrs. She complains of not sleeping at night and that she falls asleep at daybreak. At one stage she was very involved and committed to the church and doing missionary work. She has witnessed the most astounding miracles. Yet after returning from a missionary outreach within weeks she would be away from the church and be partying and boozing it up with friends in clubs and pubs. You don't just drop in an out of Christianity! I regret to say that my daughter tells lies. We are all aware of these fables she tells and it is very humiliating. She dropped out of varsity as she said she could not focus on the lectures and that they were boring. My daughter is addicted to fast food. She hoards boxes of chocs in her cupboard,there are always empty McDonalds, etc packaging and polystyrene containers in her room. She does waitressing and she does it remarkably well. She diligently gets up and prepares for her shifts. Sometimes she will even take on a double shift. But when she comes home late at night she has bought additional food for herself and it seems as if she gorges on it quietly in her room. I would often clear out the rubbish and collect the containers from her cupboard. When addressing this with her she will only comment that she does not know what I am talking about. I am a person who tries to maintain a stable equilibrium in everything I do. My daughter is the opposite. She laughs too loud, has episodes of non stop talking, will not show respect in a company of friends or family who has come to visit her but will withdraw to her room and sleep for hrs till the next day. I need to beg her for days to get anything done. The smallest task is a major thing. She went to see a psychiatrist and returned from the appointment telling that is nothing is wrong. We reached a compromise that she would see a psychologist who would assist her with a roadmap for her life and help her with coping skills. The first 2 appointments went well and then she started missing appointments. She has said to me that there is nothing wrong with her. My daughter is constantly nauseous or has a headache or a pain somewhere. She will make an appointment to see our dr and have blood drawn. There is never anything wrong. As I am typing this it seems so small and insignificant, but over the years all the arguments, irrational behavior, withdrawal, inactivity, highs and lows, overeating, spending on nonsense, flights of fantasy just leaves me to wonder...how do I get her to admit that something is wrong and if she does not what do I do? (Cape Town South Africa)
Dori S Matte (author) from Hillsborough on December 27, 2011:
I just wanted all of u guys to know that when i am feeling down, like now, i go back to my hub and read all the comments. You do not realize how much u help ME.... to know that i am not alone, to know that someone, somewhere is dealing with the same issues. Thanks for being