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How to Control Tears and Stop Crying

I am British, born and raised in the Midlands, but for most of my adult life I have lived in Egypt.

how-to-control-tears-and-stop-crying

We have all been in a situation where we suddenly find the tears welling up in our eyes and realize that we are going to embarrass ourselves by crying in public. Whether we are at work or in school, at the movies, or at a social gathering, we tend to try and hold back our tears instead of fully expressing how we feel. Why is that?

Hopefully, by the end of this article, you will understand why we cry, what tears are good for, and how to stop crying. The information comes from a combination of experience and prior knowledge, online research, and from talking to family and friends.

What Are Tears?

If we go back to the what we learned in middle school, we may remember that tears are a fluid produced by lacrimal glands next to the eye. Although we think of them as a salty solution—have you ever stuck your tongue out and tasted one?—they are actually a mix of mucus, oil, and water. Tears help maintain the health of the conjunctiva, a transparent membrane in front of the eye, by keeping it moist. They also have antibacterial properties, thanks to the lysozyme content, an enzyme that kills some bacteria by digesting their cell walls.

how-to-control-tears-and-stop-crying

How Do Tears Work?

Lacrimation is the scientific term for crying. Simply put, the tears produced during lacrimation are spread across your eye by your eyelids when you blink. You may have noticed that you tend to blink more or want to shut your eyes when you cry; this is to evenly distribute the tears and to help flush them out after.

What Are the Functions of Tears?

Basically, there are three reasons why your eyes may well up.

  1. Lubrication. You may not be constantly crying, but you are constantly secreting tears—at a rate of about 1 g/day. This helps keep your eyes hydrated so that they function optimally.
  2. Cleaning. Like wiper fluid and windshield wipers, your tears and eyelids help clean contaminants off of your eye. Tears can be produced reflexively as a reaction to foreign objects or chemicals on your eyes. For example, this happens when things like dust or other particles fly into your eye or when you are cutting onions. As mentioned before, the presence of lysozymes also helps kill bacteria.
  3. Emotional Response. This tends to make us feel embarrassed as we try to suppress the waterworks, but it is out of our control. Through a complex hormonal response, events that cause extreme emotion—be it joy and laughter or pain and suffering—will cause the lacrimal glands to secrete tears.

Although crying has always been seen as a means of releasing stress, it was Dr. Frey—a biochemist and the director of the Psychiatry Research Laboratories at St. Paul-Ramsay Medical Center—who first called emotionally induced tears “psychogenic lacrimation." Thorough research discovered that tears that were emotionally induced had a higher protein content than tears resulting from irritation. Dr. Frey’s theory is that tears can help remove potentially harmful substances produced by stress.

how-to-control-tears-and-stop-crying

5 Tips to Help You Control Your Tears

These are preferred ways of getting a grip when you really do not want others see you in an over-emotional state.

  1. Take deep breaths. it works for anger by giving you time to think, slowing you down and allowing you to reason yourself into a better frame of mind. It works because it slows down your heart rate and relaxes you, possibly one of the reasons why people who smoke feel that taking a deep pull on a cigarette calms them down. Unfortunately drawing on a cigarette is taking noxious chemicals into your body but breathing in when overemotional increases the amount of oxygen you are taking in which is beneficial to you physically and mentally. Breathe deeply through the nose and out through the mouth; count if need be because that will release your focus from what is disturbing you.
  2. Breathe into a paper bag. Linked to the above; if you fear becoming hysterical and are in a state of anxiety you might find that breathing into a paper bag is helpful. Once more the rhythm assists and in this case you are taking in increased carbon dioxide which causes a calming, drowsy state.
  3. Focus on a happy or peaceful thought. If you can focus on a mental image that induces a feeling of happiness and peace this is a proven method of calming your mind and holding back the tears. This technique takes time to master and I imagine that in the extreme it can be a form of meditation, but that is not something you are suddenly going to do at the office!
  4. Pinch yourself. Something I have never tried and have no wish to experiment with is self-inflicted physical pain, of a minor kind I hasten to add. Press your thumbnail into the tip of your first finger. It is a tiny unperceivable action, invisible to others around you but it works in two ways; firstly by distracting you from what is actually bothering you and secondly by forcing part of your mind to concentrate on the physical action.
  5. Try swallowing hard. Try swallowing hard; by doing so you effectively squeeze your tongue up against the soft palette, constricting the throat and preventing tears.

'We should comfort people without telling them to stop crying,' Dr. Frey observed. 'They do stop crying when they're comforted.'

— Jane E Brody, New York Times August 31, 1982

Are You Crying for No Apparent Reason?

This could mean a few different things:

  1. You've been bottling up emotions. If you've constantly held in your emotions instead of letting them out, perhaps it is a culmination of events that are causing you to cry. You've probably heard it many times before: "Just let it all out!" It does hold some water. All the stresses and burdens you are holding just need an outlet. If you are in a private place, feel free to let out a few sniffles or indulge in a full-blown crying session. It can feel very uplifting after.
  2. Something from your past was brought up. It could be that something in a movie or TV show sparks some feelings of empathy, or reminds you of a person or event in your life. Music can have similar effects. Media are meant to elicit strong emotional responses in order to fully immerse the viewer or listener in the experience. Use this to your advantage! Try listening to uplifting songs or watching comedy shows to boost your mood. A popular marching song used in London to boost morale during the World Wars is included below.
  3. Your hormones are fluctuating. Another possibility is hormonal changes in your body. As mentioned before, tears triggered by emotions are brought on by a complex hormonal response—fluctuations in levels of certain hormones may make you more prone to crying.

If you can't seem to find what is triggering your tears, you should definitely discuss it with your family and friends, at the very least, or seek professional advice from a licensed therapist. It may be a deep-rooted thought, feeling, or concern that you are not even aware you have. Someone looking in from the outside may be able to see it more clearly.

Don't Be Afraid to Show Your Emotions

Hiding your emotions and keeping a stiff upper lip has always been the English way. This old marching song that was first published in London in 1915, at the time of World War I. This version shows that it was still popular in 1942, during the Second World War. In today's modern society, showing emotion is becoming more acceptable, although it still isn't seen as appropriate in many situations. Many animals prefer to lick their wounds in private, and human beings are no different.

However, if the situation becomes unbearable, we shouldn't be afraid to show how we feel. Not only will it benefit us psychologically, but it will let others know that you are going through a tough time. Don't feel like you to show that you're strong or that nothing ever troubles you; everyone has or will feel these feelings. In fact, the strongest people are often the ones who embrace their emotions. Likewise, when you witness others in the throes of irrepressible emotion, remember your experiences and be responsive to their needs; they will appreciate your sensitivity as you would theirs.

Are You a Crybaby?

For each question, choose the best answer for you.

  1. How often do you cry?
    • A few times a week.
    • Once a month.
    • I can't remember the last time I cried.
  2. How do you behave when you see a sad movie?
    • I cry openly at all the sad parts.
    • I cry surreptitiously so that no one realizes.
    • I just enjoy the movie, it's only fiction.
  3. Your boss yells at you at work, how do you react?
    • I tell him not to yell and that his behaviour is unprofessional.
    • I escape to the toilets as quickly as possible to have a good cry and regain my composure.
    • I shrug my shoulders and presume he's having a bad day.
  4. You see a bad accident on the motorway how do you feel?
    • I start shaking and have to pull over because I can't see for tears.
    • I thank God it's no one I know and drive past.
    • I continue on my way and mention it on the phone if I'm talking to someone.
  5. You are looking forward to a weekend away but it is cancelled at the last minute, how do you feel?
    • It's a shame but I will try to reschedule.
    • Depressed, I spend most of the weekend in bed crying.
    • A bit annoyed but I'll find something else to do.
  6. You attend a wedding of a couple you barely know, how do you behave during the ceremony?
    • I shed a few tears because it's very touching.
    • I am happy for them and feel quite affected.
    • I look forward to the wedding reception.
  7. How do you behave after leaving your child on the first day of kindergarten?
    • Relieved, now I can go shopping unhindered.
    • I have to go and have a cry in the car.
    • A bit shaken so I go and have coffee with a friend.

Scoring

Use the scoring guide below to add up your total points based on your answers.

  1. How often do you cry?
    • A few times a week.: +3 points
    • Once a month.: +2 points
    • I can't remember the last time I cried.: +1 point
  2. How do you behave when you see a sad movie?
    • I cry openly at all the sad parts.: +0 points
    • I cry surreptitiously so that no one realizes.: +0 points
    • I just enjoy the movie, it's only fiction.: +0 points
  3. Your boss yells at you at work, how do you react?
    • I tell him not to yell and that his behaviour is unprofessional.: +2 points
    • I escape to the toilets as quickly as possible to have a good cry and regain my composure.: +3 points
    • I shrug my shoulders and presume he's having a bad day.: +1 point
  4. You see a bad accident on the motorway how do you feel?
    • I start shaking and have to pull over because I can't see for tears.: +3 points
    • I thank God it's no one I know and drive past.: +2 points
    • I continue on my way and mention it on the phone if I'm talking to someone.: +1 point
  5. You are looking forward to a weekend away but it is cancelled at the last minute, how do you feel?
    • It's a shame but I will try to reschedule.: +2 points
    • Depressed, I spend most of the weekend in bed crying.: +3 points
    • A bit annoyed but I'll find something else to do.: +1 point
  6. You attend a wedding of a couple you barely know, how do you behave during the ceremony?
    • I shed a few tears because it's very touching.: +3 points
    • I am happy for them and feel quite affected.: +2 points
    • I look forward to the wedding reception.: +1 point
  7. How do you behave after leaving your child on the first day of kindergarten?
    • Relieved, now I can go shopping unhindered.: +1 point
    • I have to go and have a cry in the car.: +3 points
    • A bit shaken so I go and have coffee with a friend.: +1 point

Interpreting Your Score

A score between 6 and 9 means: You don't seem to get upset easily so make sure you are not maintaining too strong a grip on your feelings. Either you are a very cool character, rarely bothered by the ups and downs of daily life or you are kidding yourself. If you are kidding yourself ask yourself why. Do feel you can let go a little; you don't want to explode-or maybe you do!

A score between 10 and 13 means: On the whole you manage to keep a pretty tight grip on your emotions. Sometimes you can seem hard-hearted but there are some situations in life that upset you. Don't feel afraid of expressing your emotions openly.

A score between 14 and 15 means: You seem to be pretty level headed. I expect your tears are only provoked by the very serious problems in life. You don't feel you have to restrain your tears but accept your emotions and are not ashamed to admit them.

A score of 16 means: Your emotions are quite close to the surface but you do manage to hold them in when you have to. Sometimes things get to you and you just have to let go and have a good cry.

A score between 17 and 18 means: Well you really do take things to heart; or maybe you just enjoy the relief of shedding tears when things get a little rough. Be careful you are not resorting to tears instead of trying to fix things if there is something niggling you.

How Do Other People's Emotions Affect You?

How Do You Feel About Crying in Public?

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

Comments

Naveena lakshmi on January 06, 2019:

Sometimes i cry when i feel lonely

Pamela on July 05, 2018:

I was crying constantly, I didn't even realize how often until it affected my relationship and my boyfriend left me because he thought he was making me so unhappy. I found out that although I had been hypothyroid for 12 years, my thyroid changed and I was now getting too much medication, thereby making me severely hyperthyroid. I had a myriad of symptoms that I hadn't been paying attention to until I figured out that I was having heart palpitations, rapid heartbeat, constantly thirsty, shaking, skin issues, heat intolerance, muscle cramps, and anxiety - which was why I was crying so often.

Hormones are powerful things, get your thyroid levels checked if you are crying often, that could be the culprit!!!

Marie on July 16, 2017:

Hi ive always had a problem where I cry at the slightest thing and I can never ever control and hold back my tears which means im always crying in public and people can see my true emotions.. Does anyone know why this is. X

Alison-Jean (author) from Egypt on March 07, 2016:

So sorry to hear you've been upset, but you know what, don't let it get you down. Tears of pain and frustration when you feel you have been misjudged or wrongly accused of something are something many of us go through. The important thing is that you yourself know the truth of the matter, so hold your head high! You might like to try Euphrasia I mentioned to compu-smart for the dry eye problem-it works for me.

kritika on March 07, 2016:

I cry at small things ...when someone blames me foe things I have not done..m!! Because of crying now my tears have dried up..and my eyes have become so weak and dry that its hurting me.and having trouble with vision...!!

Alison-Jean (author) from Egypt on February 03, 2015:

Hi there compu-smart- sorry to take so long getting back to you. Fortunately where I live that's not a big problem; land of sunshine. I don't know if this will help During Spring when we get dust storms I use 'euphrasia' (eyebright) twice a day-herbal or homeopathic remedy, both good. Other than that I can only suggest goggles!!

Tony Sky from London UK on January 31, 2015:

No answer for me! BOOHOO!

Tony Sky from London UK on January 29, 2015:

Hi Alison-jean.

I never ever ever ever cry...... unless..... someone close I know has died, A sad moment in a film or cartoon, or when I laugh too much. The problem I have is when ever I leave the house my eyes always water for about 5 minutes even in the lightest of winds.

I find it very embarrassing because people must think I'm crying.

I try to not make it look too obvious by pretending that something is in my eye by looking at my tissue inspectively every time I wipe. Any tips please.?

Alison-Jean (author) from Egypt on September 13, 2014:

To be affected so deeply to the news we see and hear on the media, or simply from life itself is what makes us human. Now that I am getting older I allow myself the freedom to express those emotions-when you are younger you often have to be strong for others. Thank you for your comments. It's wonderful to evoke a reaction.

Jackie on September 13, 2014:

I find myself crying a lot, it seems like I feel the pain so deap. I cry when happy, sad, hear or see bad news on TV,when someone is mistreated. I just feel so deap in my heart the pain. I believe I am putting myself in their place. It effects me so bad. I wish I could handle situations bettter, and not let it get to me .

Hendrika from Pretoria, South Africa on August 30, 2014:

I find that for some reason lately I become tearful for no reason at all. I suppose I have to speak to the family and try to find out what is going on with me. I never used to get emotional, maybe it is just old age!

Natalie Ratclif on August 14, 2014:

I don't like crying in public. My mother tells me that I am weak when she yells at me and I break down. I just need to learn how to control it when she gets angry. You advice will help I am sure.

Alison-Jean (author) from Egypt on August 12, 2014:

Don't worry about it! Yes, of course it can be embarrassing, but sometimes you can't avoid showing your emotions, and sometimes you shouldn't even try. Often it is a necessary emotional release; if you feel bad enough to cry the chances are that afterwards you will feel better. Don't make it worse by beating yourself up about it!

Mockingjay on August 10, 2014:

I always cry at the wrong time. Like today I cried in public it is so embarrassing I rushed home. I've cried in public another time but I had my sunglasses on (I think ppl could still see my tears through them) I've even cried In front of people I really dislike such as teachers or people I thought were my "friends" . I wish I could stop crying In public it's so embarrassing and I'm pretty sure it looks pathetic when you're a 16 year old crying in public.

Imogen French from Southwest England on January 31, 2013:

An interesting subject. I do seem to cry more readily than I used to, and I find I am more emotionally sensitive as I get older. I don't think it's such a bad thing, but appreciate the tips on controlling yourself in public. My best technique is the distraction method - I try to think about something else like what I'm making for dinner later, or if I'm getting tearful watching a film I remind myself that it is not real and that the people are just actors.

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